Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Happiness is...

I have been thinking about happiness a lot lately.  Perhaps it is how horrible I feel most of the time right now, and the fact that through-out being sick and tired and irritable I am still so happy.  On the outside this doesn't really make sense, but when you squint your eyes and tilt your head to the left while humming Yankee Doodle and jumping up and down on one makes absolute perfect sense!  Try it, you'll see.

I really am so entirely happy.  Sure, we have hard days.  For instance, Ayla had had 5 tantrums this morning before breakfast....3 before we had even gotten up for the day!  And while that is no fun (and I will admit that we will have to deal with more today since she is getting to watch a show today while I write. Usually, bad attitudes = no TV for the day).  Perhaps her and I will go on a walk in the fog afterward.  That usually brightens the mood and sweetens a bad attitude – oh, except the fog is gone and the sun is out!  Even better.

Ugg, just got a wave of sickness.  Sooo excited for this to end.  Patience. It is probably due to Yankee Doodle and jumping up and down.  Not good for a pregnant belly.  I must remember that for next time.

My wonderful amazing husband has also been thinking on happiness lately.  His happiness is pretty easy to define.  A project or two to work on.  The bills paid. Time to spend with his wonderful wife.  Food on the table and happy kids.  He has been reading the Solomon books of the Bible on how to live your life and how to find contentment.  “Meaningless! Meaningless!” says the Teacher. "Everything is meaningless!”  So how is happiness found? "Fear God and keep his commandments” (Ecclesiastes 12:13) It seems simple enough - but that also begs the questions: if we do these things and we are still not happy is there something wrong with us?  Is it just a phase?  Are we not loving God enough? Should we just give up?  Should we look beyond surface “happiness” and start looking more closely at ourselves?  Should we suck it up, pull ourselves up by our bootstraps and get past those things in life that in the long run…really don’t matter.   

I rarely can define why I am happy.  There are the general things, a house, food, and general "living" things.   But there have been times where I have had all those things and yet not felt entirely content.  I love having a clean house, but with being so sick lately that has certainly not been kept up the way I like...and yet I am still happy.  Of course God comes in there - I certainly feel blessed and protected.  I feel as if I am exactly where I am supposed to be right now.  That is always a comforting thought.  I have wonderful, supportive friends all around - though one lovely dear friend is moving away this week to Neverneverland and I admit that causes much sadness. 

Perhaps I shouldn't be trying to discover the cause and simply count my blessings and be thankful.  But I am so analytical by nature...even if I can't spell analytical correctly the first time (I had no idea there was a Y in there).  Wikki says: Happiness is a state of mind or feeling characterized by contentment, love, satisfaction, pleasure, or joy.  So maybe “happiness” is not really meant to be defined.  If even the most reliable information source says it is nothing but a state of mind.  

We have been listening to You're a Good Man Charlie Brown a lot lately.  The girls LOVE it and it has been playing continually in the car for about a week now.  Perhaps that is why I have been thinking on happiness.  You see, Charlie Brown and friends define happiness perfectly.  See?
Happiness is finding a pencil.
Pizza with sausage
Telling the time.
Happiness is learning to whistle.
Tying your shoe
For the very first time. 

Happiness is playing the drum
In your own school band.
And happiness is walking hand in hand.

Happiness is two kinds of ice cream.
Knowing a secret.
Climbing a tree.
Happiness is five different crayons.
Catching a firefly.
Setting him free.

And happiness is being alone every now and then.
And happiness is coming home again.

Happiness is morning and evening,
Daytime and nighttime too.
For happiness is anyone and anything at all
That's loved by you.

Happiness is having a sister.
Sharing a sandwich.
Getting along.
Happiness is singing together
When day is through,
And happiness is those who sing with you.

I think I have been over thinking this.  Sometimes, I think that in order to understand sometime on an adult level, I need to remember being a child.  When I was a kid, happiness was playing in the backyard, getting dirty, getting a new small plastic tiger.  Happiness was getting my own can of soda, breakfast alone with mom, a surprise movie.  Happiness was a walk in the rain and hot chocolate.  Getting to stay up late, coloring and eating ice while listening to my dad read out loud.  Happiness was getting mail with my name on it, playing with friends.  Staying a little longer at the park.  Happiness was midsummer vacation, singing to music, climbing rocks and reading alone.  Happiness was dreaming of the future – perhaps I should start doing that more often.  After all, I am still not entirely sure what I want to be when I grow up.  But there is still time for that, after I build lots and lots of happiness memories with my babies.   

Monday, November 29, 2010

The start of the road

Once upon a time we all walked on the golden road. It was a fair highway, through the Land of Lost Delight; shadow and sunshine were blessedly mingled, and every turn and dip revealed a fresh charm and a new loveliness to eager hearts and unspoiled eyes.

On that road we heard the song of morning stars; we drank in fragrances aerial and sweet as a May mist; we were rich in gossamer fancies and iris hopes; our hearts sought and found the boon of dreams; the years waited beyond and they were very fair; life was a rose-lipped comrade with purple flowers dripping from her fingers.

We may long have left the golden road behind, but its memories are the dearest of our eternal possessions; and those who cherish them as such may haply find a pleasure in the pages of this book, whose people are pilgrims on the golden road of youth.

The Golden Road: 
Lucy Maud Montgomery 

 This excerpt has always spoken to me.  Most people know L.M.Montgomery only for Anne of Green Gables.  But I would dare anyone to read The Story Girl and The Golden Road and not tell me that they far out-weight dear Anne.  I had a mostly delightful childhood full of dreams and golden delights.  The road was clear at that time, full of promises and adventures not yet known.  I, like the narrator of those books have left the Golden Road.  But I feel strongly the need to dust the road off and bring it back for my children.  They are just starting after all; their lives are brimming with promise.  The excitement bubbles up in me new and fresh when I think about it! 

I was rather jolted in the transition from childhood to teenage-ness.  It happened with me kicking and screaming trying so hard to grab onto childhood as much as I could, angry at the world for forcing the joy out of my life.  After all, how can there be joy without child-like hopes and dreams?  Coincidentally, there were other sorrows in my life at the same time.  Beloved friends moved a world away, babies in my house made for exhausted parents unable to do anything other when what lay before them (which I understand fully!) and being so incredibly lonely.  I saw people other then my family only twice a week and had days where I didn't leave the house at all aside from my walks.  I remember at the time going on long long walks, having to force myself to turn back home.  My home was my prison.  I couldn't get away, I longed for people - but it was years before they were provided. I can remember begging to go with my mom to the grocery store just to get AWAY. 

Then I turned 18.  College was like a dream.  I had people all around me, and plenty to do!  Boredom I believe is my nemesis.  And I had many many years of it!  So to finally have classes to go to and homework to complete?  People to hang out with that had similar interest as I?  It felt like I finally had purpose, like the world had finally turn back to color!  It had truly been gray since I had left the golden road. I admit I had feared it would stay that way. 

Where am I going with this you ask?

I admit a new life always makes me look back and reflect.  You see the golden road starts now.  And it is my job as a parent to make sure it starts right.  I think I have done ok with the first two, so now the planning starts for the new one.  I find myself getting lost just in daydreams, thinking whether it is boy or girl, I will start a conversation in my head about when the new one is born...hoping while speaking to myself about it the name will naturally jump into my head.  I know this new one has been named already, I just haven't discovered what it is yet.  And while currently the thought of drinking in fragrances aerial and sweet as a may makes me a little nauseous...I feel almost ready to burst with excitement!  Excitement for a new road that is now being formed, a new life that has already been blessed, a new personality that is already being formed.  New stories, color, beauty and joy. 

You see we only get to walk the golden road once on our own.  But oh!  We get to walk alongside it again with each of our kids!   Remember the wonderful feeling of Christmas?  I so vividly remember losing it, waking up on Christmas and just wishing I could go back to bed.  After all, it is just a normal day.  I remember crying alone on Christmas Day because I feared that magic was gone forever.  But guess is back a 1000 times over!  Why?  Because while my kids walk this road I get to walk with them!  Who would have guessed?  What an amazing gift!    

My personal journeys had purpose.  I have said before that if I had not experienced such loneliness in my youth I may not have been able to be home with my kids without going crazy.  When I first got married I experienced more loneliness.  I didn't find true friends for many years.  But it made me so thankful for my amazing husband, so thankful for family. 

I feel like now I am living in a time of plenty.  I'm sure I will go through other droughts.  But for now?  I feel so incredibly blessed by those around me.    I wish plenty for my kids.  I know they will experience journeys of their own.  After all, the Golden Road is not without it's share of rocks!  But I am doing my best to prepare them in any way I can - and I have faith God will do the rest.

For this new child?  I am praying peace.  Perhaps it is in my attempt to not have another baby like Ayla.  I love her very much, but oh please God give this child peace!  Perhaps it is for my own sake.  Either way, I can so easily see the road's head. It is covered as of now with wild brambles that have to be cleared away.  But I have a sneaking suspicion that they are brier roses protecting a sleeping beauty ready to burst forth into fragrant blooms the moment the time is right....hopefully at that point I will be able to bear the aroma?  

Friday, November 19, 2010

Our adventure...

This post will most likely be written in sections, so forgive me if it appears to be bits and pieces of my days and emotions.

I will start with a story.  The story technically starts 10 years ago when my wonderful amazing husband and I met.  But I will fast foreword to 5 years ago when we were expecting our first child.  Now, because this could become the longest post in blogging history (I wonder what the longest post was…) I shall attempt to skim over this foreword part as fast as I can – especially since I am sure most of you have heard these stories before.  But I have to revisit them you see to get the full effect.  Pregnant with my first child, at 28 weeks I get a horrible, horrible auto-immune skin condition that leaves me covered in raised red plaques and blisters from my neck all the way to the bottoms of my feet.  I can’t walk, I can’t hold a fork.  It itches beyond explanations – truly.  Even now, 5 years later I tear up remembering it.  We don’t know what it is.  All we know is that it is auto-immune and it will respond to steroids.  I have this until my child is born 3 weeks early.  She is amazing.  Red hair and so tiny!   We all expected it to go away after delivery….it got worse.  I was on three rounds of 60mg prednesone with the spots always coming back once I would taper down to 20.  My child was 6 days old when we discovered what I had.   pemphigoid gestationis:
Funny how just knowing can give you so much more power.  Eventually I went to see a natural-pathic type doctor, and with those treatments and my body finally ready to let go I went into remission when my Taylor was 3 months old.

I could say with complete certainty at that point that Taylor was most likely going to be our only child.  The statistics showed I had a 93% chance of relapsing if I were to get pregnant again.  But amazingly God gives us this ability to forget the horrors connected with having our children.  I would say in most cases it takes at least a year to START forgetting.  My Taylor was 1 years old.  We started talking about possibly having another.  Taylor needed a sibling.  We were thinking of possibly starting to think about trying that fall, it was spring at this point.  Well, I was 4 days late – thinking there was no way.  We had been VERY careful (I was on the pill and we were using extra protection) I took a test to ease my mind.  Two lines showed themselves clearly.  I instantly burst into tears and it took me a few hours to calm myself.  There was a lot of fear, a lot of uncertainty.  Ryan got home that evening and I showed him the test.  “Ok.” Was all he said.  We got to do it all again.  

Amazingly I had what is considered a rare “skip” pregnancy.  I did not get PG with Ayla.  However, around my 8th month one evening I had an odd experience.  It was late in the evening.  I was talking to my husband and all of a sudden I was having trouble speaking.  I would try to say something and either stop mid sentence or say the completely wrong word.  It was as if the connection between my brain and my mouth was no longer functioning.  I laughed it off and decided I must be tired so I went to bed.  I can remember lying in bed thinking how could I ever have thought this whole think-something-and-say-it was easy. It took all my focus just to get words out.  All of a sudden, my right hand started to get numb and tingly.  It went up my arm all the way to my face.  I went into the bathroom expecting my face to be drooping though it looked fine.  I felt as if I had just been to the dentist and had my face numbed.   As quickly as it came all of a sudden it started going away.  I could talk again and I felt fine.  So I went to bed thinking I would call the doctor first thing in the morning.  Of course when I called I was yelled at for not going to the ER.  I got a echo on my heart and an MRI showing nothing.  They concluded that I had had a trans ischemic attack or TIA; a mini stroke cause by a blood clot in the brain and put me on aspirin for the rest of my life.       

We knew beyond the shadow of a doubt when we had Ayla that she would be our last.  The risks were to high (do you see where I am going with this?).  And although in my heart I had always wanted three kids…we both knew that two was enough.  I didn’t want to put my husband through that stress again and he didn’t want me to risk my life.

Now my kids are two and four.  Good ages, pretty easy ages in my opinion – well, in comparison to the baby stage!  Sometimes, they will go off into their room together and just play!  It is amazing, truly amazing! 

God has a funny sense of humor.   You see, things can never be easy.  He likes it when we continue to push ourselves out of our comfort zone.  He likes to show us in so many ways how we can think whatever we like…but in the end his plan reigns supreme.  It started about a year ago.  I started getting inklings that God had a different plan then the one we had so carefully crafted.  You want to see God’s new plan?

Can you see it?  There is no doubt in my mind that this is what God wants.  Why?  Because there was no doubt in my mind that we were done.  And then out of the blue there was no doubt in my mind that there was another baby for us.  And then there was no doubt in my husbands mind.  THIS is God's plan for us now.
I am due July 21st - so that means at the moment I am still only 5 weeks.  But I was never one for keeping this a secret.  Yes, I am scared.  It is still so early and so much could happen.  But if anything were to happen I would need the prayer and support of my family and friends.  So I tell you all early so you can start that prayer now!  

There is a lot of fear associated with pregnancy for my husband and I.  So what I ask of you beloved readers is your prayer.  Prayer that this little one will stick!  Prayer that the pregnancy will be happy and healthy.  Prayer that the baby grows so perfectly and so healthy so he/she can be giggling in my arms by this time next year.  Prayer for my husband, that there is no fear and he has the energy to deal with a pregnant wife!  Prayer for my babies that they will welcome another sibling with open arms.  And prayer for me.  Prayer that I don't stress to much and that I can simply rest knowing this baby is protected.  So far I feel excellent.  No sickness, no extra tiredness....yet.  But it is still early....

Thank you all for everything - lets go on another adventure together!!!

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

A live coal in the sea

"but all the wickedness in the world which man may do or think, is no more to the mercy of God then a live coal dropped in the sea."                  - Madeleine L'Engle

But how can you explain this to a 4 year old?  We have been battling fear and anxiety lately.  And it does feel like a battle.  The littlest things are life staggering to my little big girl.  She loses a sticker?  "But what if I never ever find it ever again!?!?" and tears inevitably follow.  I laugh that my child has literally cried over spilled milk.  Well, laugh may be the wrong thing...but you understand.

One example of my beloved child - I decided that the table in our dining room was too big.  It took up too much space and wasn't needed at that size for two adults and two kids.  So, thinking I would fix my space problem I took the center leaf out of the table making it round.  It is still plenty big enough for us, and now it is not annoying to attempt to get around it.  Well, my child discovered the table had changed, and she cried hysterically for an hour (my fault for not warning her?).  Same table, same spot, just a different size and it rocked her perfect world.  To say the least, her mean mother had no pity for her.  You see, I have always been pretty steady on the emotions scale (except when I am pregnant.  Then I cry at Sears commercials) but my beautiful daughter?  I believe Mt. Everest might possibly begin to explain it.  This typically will result in me giving her about 3.2 seconds to cry and then it is me telling her that I have heard enough.  This is a little thing and we need to get  If she does not get control then she needs to go to her room to cry there.  I don't want to hear it any more.

I have no patience for meaningless fits of emotion.  Ok, I'll admit, I need to get better at this.  I feel like a bit of a failure in this area of parenting.  I am not what one would call a sympathetic parent - well, unless my child truly gets hurt or is really sad about something that matters - then I am all hugs and making it better.  But for heavens sake, when I have just changed the size of the table and we are acting as if the world is over?  Other kids have to deal with much harder things!!  Of course the story of the table doesn't end there.  About a week later my dear child was on her way home from an outing and remembered all of a sudden that she was still sad about the table.  Now I REALLY didn't have any sympathy for her!  I barked out a "Taylor!  This is a little thing.  You know your best friend?  Her daddy had to go away for work.  And he wont be back until she is almost 5 and a half.  THAT is a big thing!  It is ok if we need to cry about little things sometimes.  But we need to get control FAST.  We need to save our real tears for the big things.  Do you understand?  You need to get control NOW!"  Ok, I admit I may have been a bit harsh.  But for goodness sake!  Ok, now I have become one of those moms.  The "Eatyourpeas!TherearestarvingkidsinAfricathatwouldbehappytogetthosepeas!"  Kind of mom. Hee hee, my spell check loved that last sentence!  Messing with my spell check makes me happy.

Today Taylor is getting the star treatment.  Getting sick in the middle of the night means a free pass for movies and books all the next day.  Today I have lots of pity for her. 

I guess as her mom I have been seeking to discover where to draw the line of pity.  It feels like such a fine line to draw.  I don't want to squash her emotions.  I don't want her to start inventing ailments just to get the attention she thinks she wants.  However, I also want to make it clear that dramatics are not to be tolerated.  I want her to have a little perspective when it comes to having REAL heartache...but I don't want to expose her to things that are inappropriate for small minds and eyes.  I work so hard to make sure she gets the one on one time with mom that she needs.  So she is not wanting for attention. I try to give her as many choices in life as I can so she feels some measure of control.  I try hard to shelter her so that there are not evil things in her mind needing a release. But we also try hard to expose her to age appropriate things so she can build a little tolerance.  When I was teaching, I had some kids in my extended care that informed me that they were not allowed to watch the Disney movie Peter Pan.  These kids were in first grade, that means they were 6 years old.  I am all about censoring, but in my opinion that is a little overboard.   They also could not handle Veggie Tales that had a little conflict in it, they would beg me to turn it off.  These kids tolerance for anything not shiny and covered in rainbows was zero.  I don't want that - we need to be able to handle life.  But how much handling of life is reasonable and how much is just a 4 year old learning?  God give me wisdom!

I think I need to bring God into the equation more often.  I sometimes get so tied up in the after effects of her frustrations that I forget to find out what the root of this is.  For instance, it is not the size of the table that matters.  It is that something changed and she was not prepared for it.  Any ideas on how this could be a spiritual lesson?  I admit I am at a loss. Perhaps we just need to read more Bible stories and learn a little more about some hard things that people went through - and how they came out of it with God on their side.  If she could see more success stories like that?  Perhaps she would be more inclined to think on the positive instead of focusing so hard it hurts on everything that has gone wrong in her eyes.   Perhaps I need to be more sympathetic?  Perhaps I need to gain perspective.  After all, in the grand scheme of parenting, this is a small thing. 

I guess her and I are learning together.  Yay I think Taylor is feeling better!  She was just talking to Steve on Blue's clue's answering his questions.  Good sign!  I think this will be the last show for the morning.  Perhaps we will set up a chair outside for her and she can get some air and sun.  That always makes me feel better.  Say a prayer for my sick Taylor.  And may all your tears bring joy in the long run!

Monday, October 18, 2010

What makes a GOOD book?

“Poetry and Hums aren't things which you get, they're things which get you. And all you can do is go where they can find you.”                              - Winnie the Pooh


Too true! As are blog posts.  I refuse to offer excuses when I don't post as of' as I would like.  To be sure, this is my thoughts laid plain is it not?  So I can post as I see fit!   I also hate it when I have post upon post of grocery lists and inner dialog that is of no real consequence.  True, it has it's own purpose.  But it then starts to look too much like your average blog.  And we can't have that!  

So what is new in my life?  Well, I am in the middle of reading a romance novel.  Yes, I know!  Terrible no?  Well, it was highly recommended by a dear friend of mine, she in fact begged me to read it.  When I agreed I had no idea it was a romance.  But as I had agreed to read it, I couldn't very well go back on my promise.  I try very hard to always keep my promises!  I searched and searched in the bookstore.  Not finding it, I dared venture to the romance section.  I place I have never been!  And low and behold, there it was.  No, it is not one that has half naked people on the front clutched in an embrace that may or may not actually be humanly possible.  It simply has the name of the book and the author on the front.  Encouraged by this fact, I decided I would give it a try....goodness I can not type today!  I am going back over half of what I am writing fixing letters. For instance, it took three tries to correctly write "fixing." Truly embarrassing to be honest.  So I apologize if this post has more typo's then normal.  I don't always have time to go back and edit.  

Anyway!  I bought the book.  It took a little to get into it.  As my normal genre is closer to fantasy or science fiction this whole "real people in real life" thing was just a little odd.  At first it was alright.  The romance didn't start right away.  I suppose it needed a good amount of time to build up.  Well, now I am half way through the book and I am afraid it is in full throttle.  I will finish the book.  But I am aware that this is one of MANY in the serious.  I don't believe I will read any others.  I could say there is not enough blood and gore, no magic or things to stretch the imagination...but if I am being perfecting honest there is just too much sex!  Now again, I could claim that I just don't want to fill my mind with things of that nature.  That I am above that, my sense of morality tight and pristine.  But to be perfectly honest I enjoy it a little too much, and it is exhausting!  I don't get my housework done, I get frustrated when my kids get up from rest and I want too much to go find my book to read it more.  As Joey from Friends so cleaveryly stated it when he found a book of this nature in Rachel's possession (yes I did go there.) "You've got porn!" I don't think it is really good for me.  

I suppose, avid reader as I am, it is actually pretty good to make it to 28 without having read a real romance.  The thought of one has always rather bored me.  I have read a few innocent pseudo romances, and I have read my share of books that have some in them, but the book is not centered entirely around it.  Perhaps I just don't feel old enough to read something like that.  Which is laughable in theory since as stated before, sex is one of my favorite topics!  Perhaps it bothers me because it is not real.  I have often said I hate chick-flick movies because I know the people are not real and I get personally offended when the movie expects me to cry and care about these obviously fake characters.  I have never felt that way about books, until now.  My rebellious nature starts in, and then I get frustrated with myself when I start looking foreword to reading my book.  Which means I then will go days without reading it because I don't want to feel at all addicted to something that I know is not really good for me.  I hate the "I am so looking foreword to reading this, but sooo can't wait until it is finished" conundrum.  My middle ground?  I will finish this book, but only this book.  I like the writing style, the author is very talented.  I will attempt to read it as a work of skill rather then an otherwise un-tapped fantasy of sexual imagination.  I will not, however, buy anymore of them.  I don't think I can handle it.  And certainly my house, including the mountainous pile of clean laundry in need of folding can't!

I will admit though, in my ever going quest of learning who I am - I have certainly been entertained watching myself through all this.  I suppose I have always wondered how I would react to a book of this nature.  But again, my rebellious nature would never have allowed me to pick up a book of this nature on my own.  I will not be THAT person!  Pining away for far away imaginary lovers, getting frustrated at my husband for not living up to the storybook fantasy.  Neglecting my house and family for an escape into a world that does not exist.  Though let me add, I don't actually know anyone who fits the above mentioned situation - but I know myself.  And if I were to throw myself into these books there is a chance it could be me. Instead, I find the urge to throw down and run away irresistible.   As it should be!  Hmmmm, perhaps I should try my hand at writing a romance?  "As she gazed into his eyes she felt herself burning with a desire for...for.....!"   No, I can't do it!  It makes me laugh just to even think!  Perhaps that is another reason I have trouble with this book.  I simply can't take it seriously.  

So what I ask of you dear reader, is another book!  I need something that better fits me.  I am ok with a little romance, even a little sex.  But only a little.  And if it is not there I am ok with that!  Something that will grasp tight my attention for the right reasons, but not so intriguing that I can't put it down without trouble in order to take care of those around me in REAL life.  Any ideas? 



On a very different note, the girls went to their first football game this last week!  Want to see?

 Taylor and her best friend Abby

My little one!

They LOVED watching the cheerleaders and were so sad when we had to leave.  I think we will go again, there is lots of room for kids to run around.  And it is fun for mom and dad too.  

Oh my, Ayla's show is over.  So for all my beloved readers? May your books be full of innocent romance and your games slow and covered in flowers!   

Monday, October 4, 2010

Around the corner, Or whistling down the river?

I have some amazing news.....ready? 

It is fall!!!!!!!!!!

I know, it technically has been for a while.  But when the weather is still 100 degrees and you feel like you can't breath the moment you step outside it is NOT fall.  But today?  Well, it rained during the night.  And the weather is deliciously crisp this morning.  The windows are open and I am cold! The trees are being gently tossed by the mischievous breeze.  The sun is out, but there is a lovely spattering of clouds in the sky and a dark shade looming off to the side that suggests rain could come at the drop of a hate if lady nature so decided.  It is fall!    Oooh, to celebrate I believe I shall go get myself another cup of coffee!

I have had a song in my head of late...see if you know it:

Could be!
Who knows?
There's something due any day;
I will know right away,
Soon as it shows.
It may come cannonballing down through the sky,
Gleam in its eye,
Bright as a rose!

I love that feeling.  When you are excited for another day - not for any particular reason.  But just because it could have something exciting in it.  A feeling like this gives me motivation.  It is stronger today and I would bet money it is because of Fall being here.  I have felt like life is on hold.  I even started two or three blog posts in the last week and they never got further then a paragraph or two.  Oooh, I copied one of them...I wonder if it is still in my "paste"  Shall we see?  Heehee, this is kinda fun!

Oops, nope it isn't.  I have the lyrics from above there now.  Oh well, though if I remember correctly it was somewhat sad and dismal.  Perhaps even a little whiny.  You see, last week I was focusing on how miserable I was in the hot weather (I know, pathetic.  Weather is of such little consequence in the grand scheme of things.  But be that as it may, I was still wallowing) I have no excuse.  I refuse to make excuses when the only reason is to make me feel better about my self pity.   Goodness!  I think I need a new desk stool.  I have almost fallen off now twice in the past 5 minutes! You see, it is not feeling exactly in the right place in relation to the desk and I keep trying to move it.  But sadly the person who designed it ordered screws too short to secure the top to the legs so the legs are just popped in to the spots.  This makes it very unstable.

You must forgive me.  I am in one of those random moods where I basically write everything that pops into my head.  My mother and older sister have informed me many times about how when I was a young child they used to live in fear of what I would say next.  A filter was something that had to develop with time (and something I often still struggle with).  This means I have all too often said things I wish I could take back, and makes John Mayer's song "My Stupid Mouth" really more painful then funny.   And just now while looking for those lyrics (I couldn't remember them there for a moment and it was bothering me) I now am fighting the urge to go back to google and discover if it is really possible to play a quick game of chess with salt and pepper shakers. 

A short post today.  I don't believe I can sit still long enough for anymore.  But before I go today I have a quick request.  Our playroom is in a state of disorganization.  The girls clean it most days, and I help them about once a week to make it actually clean...but that was done just two days ago and it is horrid today.  Most of it is because my lovely 2 year old has a new game.  Find a bag (or anything with an empty inside - I have since hidden the bags but she is a creative one!) and fill it with pieces of blocks, mr. potato head, Lincoln logs and leggo's.  This results in all of the above being mixed together and dropped in piles on the floor.  Add to that dress up clothes and books it is a land-mine in there and something needs to change.  I think the small toys may need to go away until this state is over.  But how?  I don't have lots of small boxes to keep them all separate.  Do I buy them and keep them out of reach, taking them out one at a time?  Help!  What has worked for you?  We have this at the moment: 

But everything is still out in the open and so grab-able anytime by small hands.  At the moment most of those bins are empty and the floor is covered.  And this can happen in the blink of an eye.  Anyone have advice?  I would really prefer not to spend lots of money...if possible.  But we need to change something!

Alright beloved reader.  On that note I take my leave.  My coffee is gone and there is grocery shopping to achieve this morning.  To end?

 Come on, something, come on in, don't be shy,
Meet a guy,
Pull up a chair!
The air is humming,
And something great is coming!
Who knows?
It's only just out of reach,
Down the block, on a beach,
Maybe tonight...

Wednesday, September 22, 2010


It is not the first day of Fall.  I am not sure why, technically it is...and it feels it outside.  But it is not.  Now, before you get all huffy that today is not "technically" the first day, that tomorrow is...I beg to differ.  Actually here in the US it starts tonight - all calendars that claim it starts on the 23rd must have been made in Europe.  it won't start there until tomorrow...look it up! 

K, I just checked and my calendar (which claims first day of fall as the 23rd) was printed in China.  Hmmmm

I think that it might be a mental thing on my part.  I can't claim fall when it is supposed to be 100 outside next week.  90 degrees on Michaelmas just seems wrong.  Oooh, I shall have to do a Michaelmas post and tell you all about it why I love it.  I have been writing on Wednesdays lately and as luck would have it, Michaelmas falls on a Wednesday!

I just realized that in the last three paragraphs I managed to drink an entire cup of coffee and I have no memory of even tasting it.  See people, this is why I order my Starbucks at 200 degrees, I don't want to miss it! 

Life has been tinged with purple lately.  I would even venture to say it is pink with a purple rim.  Almost like the very end of a magnificent sunset.  Peaceful, a good thing!  I am feeling better.  Things have settled into routine.  Though the routine feels far busier then I ever expected this fall would be.  Some days I feel as if I am in the car all morning carting people from place to place.  And I know it will only get worse! 

I have been taking a bit of a break from Target.  I have only been twice this week.  Nothing really interesting is on clearance.  And they made me mad yesterday so I am boycotting them for the day.  They wouldn't take one of my coupons.  Scandalous!  It would have meant I could get a dress for under $2 but when the coupon wouldn't scan (and they don't scan all the time, the machines are very finicky) they said it was because it was for just the dress pictured on the coupon (not computer failure - I don't remember ever seeing the dress pictured for sale there) and not any Merona brand dresses like I had thought.  Perhaps they are right, it still made me sad!  I will spend under $2 on a dress that I like but don't need.  I wont spend $4! Much too expensive. 

This morning Ayla and I are taking it easy.  Perhaps later we will make a small grocery trip to Walmart.  Though if I am going to do that I should do it soon to avoid the crowds.  Any ideas on what to make for dinners this week?  I have been coming up stale lately.  I need some new ideas! I know I say that all the time.  But it is always true.  I get so bored so fast!  There is such a frustrating divide in recipes.   Healthy and interesting vs. not so healthy and easy.  Sadly interesting almost always means more work, which is ok.  But it means I have to think ahead and I am not always good at that.  So when I am faced with only 20 minutes to make a meal I then have to choose a tried and true meal that I am bored stiff of, but I know I can fit it into the time I have to prepare.  So let me think - you all can be my sounding board.  A meal list for the week.  Ready?

Chicken Taco's - boring, but fast

Hamburgers?  That means I need to get some beans and buns (unless I make them, I really should just make them).  Ryan will likely BBQ then for us.  He has been having fun with his charcol grill lately

How about meatballs and rice?  I should get a veggie to go with that.  And I should check and see how much ground beef I have....only 1lb.  Guess that should be added to my list...maybe I should actually be making a real paper list here.

BBQ chicken pizza.  Perhaps we will have that for dinner today.  Not the healthiest with all that cheese and pizza crust.  But ok. Ooh, that reminds me I need to add cheese to this list.  We have been going through it too fast lately.

ok, that is 4 meals.  I should do at least 3 more. 

BBQ Bask chicken and home made rice pilaf?  That sounds good.  And I have everything to make that (Except a veggie - we should go to market tomorrow and get some).   Always good! 

And with the leftover rice I could make fried rice.  Oooh, reminds me, we are low on eggs. 

1 more.....I think I will find a recipe for cheese and veggie stuffed pasta shells.  I have some of those.  I used to have a good one and lost it.  Anyone have a good one?  I like having at least one meat-free meal per week. 

So have you enjoyed this my dear reader?  Or did I loose you long ago once you discovered I really had nothing interesting to say?  I know my shopping list is not the most exciting...but just having your ear made this dreaded task less gruesome.   I hate making this list, and hate even more the shopping for it.  But it must be done, so I shall close and off we go to the store.  Wish me luck!

Oh, and happy Autumn to all.  Perhaps I shall get some apple cider to celebrate.

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Coming to you LIVE from my own website!

So you've gotta try this:

See?  No more "blogspot" in the title!  Ok, so it still goes to the same place, but it is kinda fun for me! 

This will be a short post (Hey I saw that!  Rolling your eyes at me, as if you don't think that last comment could possibly be true.  it will be a short post! You'll see!) Before picking Taylor up from school today I have to stop by Target to check on my clearance items.  Either today or next Wednesday I am predicting the garden section will go 75% off.  I actually think it will be next week, but I have been wrong in the past so Ayla and I will stop by there just to check.  I am also waiting on a bag for my yoga mat to go 75% off and I think that will happen today.  Since we stopped by there briefly on date night last night; if Ayla and I go today, and I stop by there on my alone time tomorrow, that will mean I have been to Target  5 times in the last 4 days.  Do you think I have a problem?  I don't buy something every time and unless it is something that is already on my list and needed I never by something just because it is one clearance....unless it is 75% off and I REALLY like it. 

Oh no!  Hold on.............................................................................Oh yay!!!  Got the trash can out in time!!!  We are not always the best at remembering since we still feel new in this house and the days are different then the last few places we have lived.  But we cleaned out the garage this weekend so it was more then full!   I heard him and ran out to make sure it was out and it wasn't.  He saw me struggling with the heavy can and waited for me.  Such a nice trash man! 

Whew, now I am tired!

Oh, Ayla and I played in the dirt this morning.  We planted lots of baby seeds for our fall garden.  Hopefully the currents predictions are true and we will have a mild winter with not too much frost so my plants can make it to adulthood!  Want to see pictures?  While I wait for them to load I will steal Ayla's peaches.  She is not eating them and they look good to me! Mmmmm, peaches!
Here we have two tomato plants in the back.  Pepper plants (though you can't see them very well here) right in front of the tomatoes.  And I just planted LOTS of onions in the front of the box.  Oh, and there are chives there too. 

This one has leeks in the front just about ready for picking.  And behind those giants I planted cilantro, parsley, bok choy and spinach. 

Look, so full of promise!  Heehee, here we planted LOTS of carrots and some more Bok Choy. 

Here is my pumpkin patch. Well, what is left of it. I have given many haircuts to the pumpkins.  They will really take over if you don't watch out.  I was watching the news this morning and they mentioned how the cooler weather this summer has made for a good pumpkin harvest.  No kidding!    Here is another one just starting to change color:
And that is one of four full sized ones still in the garden (that I know of) and who knows how many more babies are out there! 

These are the only flowers I have at the moment.  My morning glories LOVE the elephant!  And the grasshoppers love the morning glories.  Pest control in my garden?

Find the grasshoppers and give them to Ayla to play with!  She will find one, run into the house for her "gloves" "house" with them.  There is always a mama and a daddy and they will go into old flower pots for their "houses."  She makes them give each other kisses and hugs and when they feebly try to jump away she says "hey guys! come back here!" and since they are usually disabled at this point it is never hard for her to find them again...and the torture continues!   I would have pity for them if they didn't cause such destruction to my plants.  But when it comes down to it, I have more pity for plants then grasshoppers so this is my revenge!  I also found another preying mantis today.  Ayla did not get to play with that one.  I left him where he was.  I figure I have enough of them as pets and I"ll leave him in my garden to keep down the grasshopper population! 

Here is my cantaloupe/watermelon patch:

See the cantaloupe growing there by the fence?  It is one of three I can see.  So excited to try it! 

And lastly, here is my oak tree! 
Ok, so this is a crappy picture.  But I was the one taking after all, so there is little you can expect.  It is about three feet tall now and so very happy.  I think he needs a name....

Oh goodness, if I am to keep my promise of a short post (and I always do my best to keep my promises)
it needs to!

Friday, September 10, 2010


I've lost myself I can't be found- I've looked and looked and looked around.
I've lost myself I don't know where - I've lost myself oh dear, oh dear!
                                                                                           - Unknown

I remember the above poem from a child's nursery rhyme book I had growing up.  Well, like the child in the poem, this small snippet is also lost.  I don't know if the author of the book wrote it and we held the only copy or if it is just not popular....but google can't find it.  Correction - couldn't find it.  Just wait until I hit "publish post" then it will be on there!  Perhaps the author of the poem will look for it, find this blog, contact me and we shall become fast friends!  Err...ok maybe not. 

The fact of the matter is, I have felt very lost for the past month or so.  No real reason, which makes it all the more frustrating.  I have pictured that book many times recently; next to the poem was a picture of a child hiding under a blanket.  I have too often of late felt like that child.  Hiding from something unknown.  I can't seem to think, my jokes don't make sense.  I have been forgetting things or just not listening and it has also been frustrating those around me.  I will get annoyed at small things, have no patience and have felt drained of energy.  I think a lot of this started when Geneva moved out.  I was so heartbroken and it caught me so off guard that even though I logically know we did all we could, I still have that feeling like I failed miserably.  That thought has made me unsure of all of my relationships.  If I didn't know she was unhappy then what else am I missing?  I start second guessing everyone around me, not trusting my instinct. But not trusting myself results in me not trusting others which makes me constantly on the defensive...and that is no way to live. 

I claim 'found' because I am done. Sometimes, when my kids get emotionally out of control, instead of coddling what they need most is a hug, and in a strong firm voice for mom or dad to say: "That is enough, it is time to stop fussing now."  Then they can stop. It is like they get so caught up in the moment that they can't get out of it.  All they need is permission to let it go and they can.   I believe God is saying the same to me.  I have had my time of fussing.  I need to stand up and look past the fog now.  Usually, when I need a inward change what helps it along is some form of outside change.  Sometimes that means re-arranging my house or a new haircut.  Sometimes times that means cleaning something or planting some seeds in my garden.  I walked around Michaels yesterday during my alone time.  I was thinking of getting a book on painting and trying my hand at that.  I used to spend hours as a child drawing.  But sadly I have never been good at it.   I loved it, but it was always so discouraging to spend hours on something only to see what my sisters could do in ten minutes was 100 times better then mine.  I am not bemoaning, just stating a fact.  I think I will start with organizing my cookbook.  Anyone who has seen it shudders, papers shoved in there covered in spilt food.  I think I will re-type my favorite recipes out and put them into a scrap book.  I have one already actually.  That way they are in plastic and can't be removed.  Convenient as it is to have them on little cards that can be taken out and placed back in, I know myself.  I take them out and lose them, or simply shove them back into the book so everything is out of order.  They need to be stuck so they can't be lost. 

I also need to plant my fall/winter garden.  Any suggestions?  We have picked 13 pumpkins so far ranging in size from 1-10lbs and there are more out there.  Two more big ones (that I can see) at least 4 baby ones still growing and tons of flowers...not to mention the plants are healthy and there is more time for many many many more to grow!  Here is about half of what I have picked.  I am picking them mostly green now since they will get orange and it means there is less chance of losing them to rot (I have lost 2 so far) Ayla ran through the picture just as I was taking it:

 I always have considered her to be rather blurry around the edges, the girl won't sit still! 

Ryan looked at our living room the other day and said "You know what this room needs?"  Here I thought he was going to spout off some decorating genius and his answer instead?  "More pumpkins!"  I think he was making fun of my pumpkins.  I think the look very fall-ish!

I picked several huge zucchini today...want to see?  THIS is what happens when I neglect my garden for 2 days:

The apple is there for comparison of size.  That is a normal apple and probably a 4lb zucchini!  I think I need to make some bread. There is little else you can do with them when they get that size.  I have made stuffed zucchini, steamed, fried, sliced, grated; I have put it in soup, in stir fry, fried rice, salad and eaten it plain.  LOTS of zucchini!  Next logical choice is bread!  Perhaps after rest time the girls and I will make some bread.  A good Friday afternoon project!  Hmmm, I wonder what pumpkin zucchini bread would taste like...

As much as my situation is petty in comparison - this song has been in my head as I wrote today so I shall close with it:

Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like me.
I once was lost but now am found,
Was blind, but now I see.

May your pumpkins be orange and your zucchini's small and dainty.  And may you have the strength to lift the blanket off of your head.

Monday, August 30, 2010

Not Suitable for Children!

10 My lover spoke and said to me,
       "Arise, my darling,
       my beautiful one, and come with me.  Song of Solomon 2:10

Oh great - Google is going to have a field day with that title!  Have I mentioned one of my hobbies is finding myself on google?  It is really easy.  This blog pops up a lot when people are searching for the quotes I use.  "I eat my peas with honey" is the most popular one people look for that Google directs here.  But back to my is my warning - adult content included...if you are under age or you would rather not think of me as a fully functioning adult I would advice you skip this post. 

Wait....first I need coffee!

Ah, that is better! Now, as most of you know...if you are in conversation with me for any length of time there is a very good chance that the subject of sex will eventually come up.    I have not decided if it is because I enjoy talking about it, or if for other people, it is refreshing talking to someone who is 100% comfortable with any and all subjects.  In these many conversations I have had, I have discovered something; being 100% comfortable talking about sex is not normal, it is not something that most people generally are...yet it is something that people long for.

Let me go back a little...for those of you that have conversations with me regularly you know all can skip this part.  I grew up home schooled....but not your average ultra conservative sheltered home-schooler.    I have been called a hippy in how I raise my kids and some of my more eccentric ideas.  I get them all from my wonderful mother!  I cannot remember a time in my life where I didn't know "where babies come from."  This conversation was as normal to me when I was a kid as "why is the grass green" or "why are cats different then dogs?" By the time I was a "grown up" I can honestly say that I had no questions.  I knew all the facts...all of them. But unlike some kids that grow up so engulfed in the Christian church as I did...there was nothing in relation to this information that was dirty, disgusting or bad in any way.  I was taught to respect sex.  It is powerful, perhaps one of the most powerful things in this world.  I was taught what the Bible teaches...that sex between a man and his wife is one of the most beautiful, exciting things to be celebrated.  Just read Song of Solomon, those lovers exulted in each other!  And I love the language in it.  Written for "Lover and Beloved."  I was also taught that once a man and woman have had sex, they are man and wife in God's eyes.  True, the paper is important.  But it is not the piece of paper which makes you married.  It is the joining of Two, the Becoming One.    I was taught that dating around was practicing for divorce, that sleeping around was adultery.    But sex between those that are now One?  Amazing!  But what happens when Oneness gets torn apart?  A heart that has joined ripped and forced into one-ness with someone else?  What happens to this heart when it happens over and over again?  I would say the result is catastrophic, emotionally and physically.  Now, please...I am not trying to create any holier then thou stigma.  But as always, I will be honest, truly me and boldly speak what I believe. where is this post going?  Are you all rolling your eyes saying "oh there she goes, Sarah is talking about sex AGAIN!"  Heehee...well....yes!  I am, because it is a part of who I am.  That is the whole purpose of this blog right?  To be Me, to write of my life and of course to entertain you.  And admit are reading this very closely.  We always do when sex is the subject! 

Alright.  I am going to brag for a moment.  I have an AMAZING sex life.  I wont go into detail...because, well that is none of your business!  But lets just say every time I think it is the best I have ever had it just gets better.  I give much of the credit to my truly wonderful amazing husband.  But I will reserve some of it for myself as well.  I really feel like Oneness is one of the best gifts God has given us.  And I think it is also one of the reasons my marriage has stayed as strong as it is.   There is no question in my mind that God loved sex!  Come this:

16 Awake, north wind,
       and come, south wind!
       Blow on my garden,
       that its fragrance may spread abroad.
       Let my lover come into his garden
       and taste its choice fruits.
Can anyone argue it?  It is only lies that have made it a dirty disgusting thing.  According to God it is beauty incarnate.  

I have often thought that I would enjoy being a sex therapist.  But I don't think I would ever be hired as one.  I am too honest.  I would have trouble listening to someone destroying their hearts by searching and "experimenting" and not tell them that they are killing themselves emotionally.  I don't think I would get very many repeat costumers!  But a sex therapist for people in a dedicated relationships?  I think I could do that.  I love having conversations with dear friends before their weddings.  I love speaking to them after!  I love being able to celebrate with those that I love when they get to experience Oneness with their Beloved. the Beloved Solomon?  So is he calling himself "Beloved?" Or is it the other way around...I have never been able to tell.  Are the titles there like a play?  Lover: this-is-what-I-am-saying. Or is it like a letter?  Lover: and-this-is-what-I-am-saying-to-my-lover.  I am sure it can be looked up.  Ah well, maybe I will do that later.

I have some pretty clear ideas of what makes a good marriege.  Perhaps I will go into them all someday.  But know that are always growing and changing.  So what I would tell you today could be different tomorrow and would almost absolutely be different for someone else.  All I can say is what I have experiounced for myself or viewed in other people .  So as always, take what I say with a grain of salt and know I am ever learning. 

But I think what I will always hold as truth:  marriage is not 50/50.  I have heard it called as much so many times.  Most recently on the Cosby Show.   It can't be 50/50.  If it is then I would say you will always be only 50% of what you could be.  I will argue that marriage is 100/100/100.  100% to your spouse and 100% to God.  It has to be.  Think about it, if I am only ever giving 50% of myself to my spouse...then what am I doing with the other 50%?  Keeping it for myself?  That attitude will create an atmosphere of "who has it worse" battles.  I hate those battles. I would argue that if both are giving 100% then both will always be receiving 100% and therefore you are always complete.  The 100% to God is a have to be.  Or you will not have 100% of yourself to give to your spouse.   I put my priorities this way:  God, husband, children.  Yes, my kids come last.  And notice that myself is not on there.  Why?  Because my husband also goes God/wife/kids.  Which means between the two if us we are both covered.  He watches the kids once a week so I can go off by myself and regroup.  I watch the kids one evening a week so he can do the same.  We help one another with emotional and physical needs.  We are supplying the self for one another.  We are One.  True we are still individuals, but because of our Oneness we are We as One.  Together.  There is no selfishness involved, we understand what is important for our Us and our I and we make it so.   Is this making any sense?  Kids come last because that way they get two complete parents.  That is healthiest for them.  Now, keeping things this way is a daily thing.  We can't ever stop working at it.  Sometimes we are good at it.  Sometimes one or both of us fail and we have to have a conversation and start again.  But we always can start again.  And let me tell you - nothing completes a good conversation like a spectacular finish if you get my drift!!!

Oh goodness...I had more to say, as always.  But this is getting long.  So for now I shall sign off.  Perhaps later I shall share my list of "tips" I often share with those that are unfortunate enough to be in my radar before they become matrimonially involved.  To end I shall share more with you from my favorite book of the Bible:

Chapter 5: 3 I have taken off my robe—
       must I put it on again?
       I have washed my feet—
       must I soil them again?
 4 My lover thrust his hand through the latch-opening;
       my heart began to pound for him.
 5 I arose to open for my lover,
       and my hands dripped with myrrh,
       my fingers with flowing myrrh,
       on the handles of the lock.

I swear, this is straight from the Bible!!

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

August 2010

I need to fold laundry.   I don't want to fold laundry.  So I am avoiding folding laundry by writing on here. 

This week has been a week of change.  It feels like this house is finally becoming ours again.  I was a recluse last week.  I apologize to any and all I may have avoided.  It was not you, it truly was me.  I needed to be alone.  A few months of never ever being by myself and I felt it took a tremendous amount of energy to be around people.  I think I have recovered some this week.

This week Taylor started real school.  Well, as real as a 4 year old can handle anyhow.  She gets picked up by Grandma at 7:30am.  Sits in the school office for 15 minutes coloring then goes to her classroom at 8.  She has pre-kindergarten from 8:30 until 12:00 and then home for lunch and a rest time.  It has been a little hard on her.  She is not used to having school for any more then 2 days a week and everything being new (new teacher, new students, new classroom, new school, new routine) she has been a little out of sorts.  And when big sister is out of sorts so is Ayla.  So it has been an adjustment for all.  I am hoping that next week is a little easier for all. 

See my big school girl?

Sooooo big!  4 years old.  She picked out the shirt and skirt herself.  Sunday before school started her and I went out together.  She got a hair-cut, we shared a cookie and hot chocolate at Panara and she picked out a new outfit to wear the next day.  So fun to have Mama and Taylor dates.  We are going to have to start having those more often.  I am not used to not having my Taylor around all the time.  It is weird!  But she is already excited for Saturday so she can be home.  The girl still likes being with mom and dad!  I'm glad.  Not ready for her to be THAT grown up yet!

I have a few pictures that have been lying around so I shall make this a picture post.  Ready?

Playing dress-up.  Isn't she just too cute for words? She picked these clothes out all by herself.

Of course big sister is not to be out-done!

Now - a story.  Once upon a time.  There was a little girl who's name was Ayla.  Ayla was usually a very good little girl, but she had a stinker streak that was a mile wide.  Now, one night Ayla's mother told her it was time to go to bed.  Ayla decided she did not want to go to bed.  Ayla's mother should have known, this little girl was waaay too awake and she was being waaay too quiet....

  You see, Ayla had gotten a hold of a black marker.  And she thought it would be very funny to pretend it was lipstick.  Since she was all by herself in her bed, her mother never suspected a thing until she woke up the next morning and hardly recognized her once clean little girl.  What was the poor mother to do?  But take lots of pictures to later show Ayla's friends when she is 16...

Of course this mother is also one of those mothers that is true to her word when it comes to consequences for un-acceptable behavior.  Ayla knew this, but sometimes she forgot.  She may have had fun drawing all over everything...but she also got to clean every last bit of it up!

Maybe....just maybe she will think twice before drawing on her walls again!

On another note - we took out our sunflowers the other night as many of you know.  It took about an hour to cut and clear them all.  The girls stayed pretty far away the whole time because of the wasps.  But Taylor was over-joyed when Daddy found something fun and insisted on holding it.  Much to my surprise!

The poor frog!  I am not 100% sure it survived.  But oh Taylor was so excited!  We put it in the garden so it could eat slugs and grasshoppers. 

Ah me - MUST I do laundry?  We could all wear our underwear another day right?  Oh fine!  I shall sign off.  Hope you enjoyed my pictures.  I shall write to more length soon.  I think I need another regular writing day.  Any ideas on what day it should be?

But for now...may all your freckles be spotted and your frogs full of tasty slugs!

Friday, August 13, 2010

Just because...

So have been awarded a Versatile Blogger Award!  I always wanted an award!  My lovely friend Mary nominated me.  I also highly recommend her blog if you love reading the profound typing's of a truly real person.  

My nominations?  Ahh...let me see...I think I shall nominate two of my dear mom friends.  All You Need is Love and I Am Content(e) . Keep the ball rolling ladies!  Come on, it's fun!

So I am supposed to tell you all 7 random things about me. Ready?

1.  I am arrogant - But I will always humbly admit it when I am truly wrong.

2.  I hate cliche's and assumptions.  I am here as the exception to the rule wherever I can safely manage it, whether it is or no.

3.  One of my favorite things about being a mom is having an excuse to read fairy tales and nursery rhymes all day.  

4. I am a realist.  I don't sugar coat, what you see is what you get. I have been called harsh, stuck-up, hard hearted, intimidating, hard to read, eccentric and slightly over the top.  Part of me is so very proud of this reputation.  Part of me is very ashamed as I know much of it explains someone very young who just needs to get over themselves and learn to be at peace with their world. I have accepted that I am always a work in progress, these are not things to be proud of - but these traits were also given to me for a reason.  So all I can do is forever work to become the person God wants me to be while still being genuine to ME and wait - truly with baited breath, for whatever task is next set before me.  I don't feel as if I fit in in this world.  Luckily I was not made for this world.

5. I love singing, but every time I do it now I just get frustrated.  I used to be really good, I am no longer a shadow of what I was.  Too many years of not doing it for hours a day.  I am always telling myself I need to start again, but so far it hasn't happened.  I also love acting - but I have always been mediocre at best at that.  

6. I have problems finishing big things.  Not really sure why, there is probably some psychological reason for it.  It took me almost 9 years to get my drivers license.  I had one class to complete my BA when I finished 4 years at a UC.  6 years later I still have not finished it, but now I have 6 classes to complete.  My laundry is always half done...of course that could just be the mother-of-small-children thing and have nothing to do with my psyche. 

And lastly....

7.  We can't all and most of us don't and that is all there is to it.  - Eeyore