10 My lover spoke and said to me,
"Arise, my darling,
my beautiful one, and come with me. Song of Solomon 2:10
Oh great - Google is going to have a field day with that title! Have I mentioned one of my hobbies is finding myself on google? It is really easy. This blog pops up a lot when people are searching for the quotes I use. "I eat my peas with honey" is the most popular one people look for that Google directs here. But back to my title...it is my warning - adult content included...if you are under age or you would rather not think of me as a fully functioning adult I would advice you skip this post.
Wait....first I need coffee!
Ah, that is better! Now, as most of you know...if you are in conversation with me for any length of time there is a very good chance that the subject of sex will eventually come up. I have not decided if it is because I enjoy talking about it, or if for other people, it is refreshing talking to someone who is 100% comfortable with any and all subjects. In these many conversations I have had, I have discovered something; being 100% comfortable talking about sex is not normal, it is not something that most people generally are...yet it is something that people long for.
Let me go back a little...for those of you that have conversations with me regularly you know all this...you can skip this part. I grew up home schooled....but not your average ultra conservative sheltered home-schooler. I have been called a hippy in how I raise my kids and some of my more eccentric ideas. I get them all from my wonderful mother! I cannot remember a time in my life where I didn't know "where babies come from." This conversation was as normal to me when I was a kid as "why is the grass green" or "why are cats different then dogs?" By the time I was a "grown up" I can honestly say that I had no questions. I knew all the facts...all of them. But unlike some kids that grow up so engulfed in the Christian church as I did...there was nothing in relation to this information that was dirty, disgusting or bad in any way. I was taught to respect sex. It is powerful, perhaps one of the most powerful things in this world. I was taught what the Bible teaches...that sex between a man and his wife is one of the most beautiful, exciting things to be celebrated. Just read Song of Solomon, those lovers exulted in each other! And I love the language in it. Written for "Lover and Beloved." I was also taught that once a man and woman have had sex, they are man and wife in God's eyes. True, the paper is important. But it is not the piece of paper which makes you married. It is the joining of Two, the Becoming One. I was taught that dating around was practicing for divorce, that sleeping around was adultery. But sex between those that are now One? Amazing! But what happens when Oneness gets torn apart? A heart that has joined ripped and forced into one-ness with someone else? What happens to this heart when it happens over and over again? I would say the result is catastrophic, emotionally and physically. Now, please...I am not trying to create any holier then thou stigma. But as always, I will be honest, truly me and boldly speak what I believe.
Alright...so where is this post going? Are you all rolling your eyes saying "oh there she goes, Sarah is talking about sex AGAIN!" Heehee...well....yes! I am, because it is a part of who I am. That is the whole purpose of this blog right? To be Me, to write of my life and of course to entertain you. And admit it...you are reading this very closely. We always do when sex is the subject!
Alright. I am going to brag for a moment. I have an AMAZING sex life. I wont go into detail...because, well that is none of your business! But lets just say every time I think it is the best I have ever had it just gets better. I give much of the credit to my truly wonderful amazing husband. But I will reserve some of it for myself as well. I really feel like Oneness is one of the best gifts God has given us. And I think it is also one of the reasons my marriage has stayed as strong as it is. There is no question in my mind that God loved sex! Come on...read this:
16 Awake, north wind,
and come, south wind!
Blow on my garden,
that its fragrance may spread abroad.
Let my lover come into his garden
and taste its choice fruits.
Can anyone argue it? It is only lies that have made it a dirty disgusting thing. According to God it is beauty incarnate.
I have often thought that I would enjoy being a sex therapist. But I don't think I would ever be hired as one. I am too honest. I would have trouble listening to someone destroying their hearts by searching and "experimenting" and not tell them that they are killing themselves emotionally. I don't think I would get very many repeat costumers! But a sex therapist for people in a dedicated relationships? I think I could do that. I love having conversations with dear friends before their weddings. I love speaking to them after! I love being able to celebrate with those that I love when they get to experience Oneness with their Beloved. Heehee...is the Beloved Solomon? So is he calling himself "Beloved?" Or is it the other way around...I have never been able to tell. Are the titles there like a play? Lover: this-is-what-I-am-saying. Or is it like a letter? Lover: and-this-is-what-I-am-saying-to-my-lover. I am sure it can be looked up. Ah well, maybe I will do that later.
I have some pretty clear ideas of what makes a good marriege. Perhaps I will go into them all someday. But know that are always growing and changing. So what I would tell you today could be different tomorrow and would almost absolutely be different for someone else. All I can say is what I have experiounced for myself or viewed in other people . So as always, take what I say with a grain of salt and know I am ever learning.
But I think what I will always hold as truth: marriage is not 50/50. I have heard it called as much so many times. Most recently on the Cosby Show. It can't be 50/50. If it is then I would say you will always be only 50% of what you could be. I will argue that marriage is 100/100/100. 100% to your spouse and 100% to God. It has to be. Think about it, if I am only ever giving 50% of myself to my spouse...then what am I doing with the other 50%? Keeping it for myself? That attitude will create an atmosphere of "who has it worse" battles. I hate those battles. I would argue that if both are giving 100% then both will always be receiving 100% and therefore you are always complete. The 100% to God is a must...you have to be. Or you will not have 100% of yourself to give to your spouse. I put my priorities this way: God, husband, children. Yes, my kids come last. And notice that myself is not on there. Why? Because my husband also goes God/wife/kids. Which means between the two if us we are both covered. He watches the kids once a week so I can go off by myself and regroup. I watch the kids one evening a week so he can do the same. We help one another with emotional and physical needs. We are supplying the self for one another. We are One. True we are still individuals, but because of our Oneness we are We as One. Together. There is no selfishness involved, we understand what is important for our Us and our I and we make it so. Is this making any sense? Kids come last because that way they get two complete parents. That is healthiest for them. Now, keeping things this way is a daily thing. We can't ever stop working at it. Sometimes we are good at it. Sometimes one or both of us fail and we have to have a conversation and start again. But we always can start again. And let me tell you - nothing completes a good conversation like a spectacular finish if you get my drift!!!
Oh goodness...I had more to say, as always. But this is getting long. So for now I shall sign off. Perhaps later I shall share my list of "tips" I often share with those that are unfortunate enough to be in my radar before they become matrimonially involved. To end I shall share more with you from my favorite book of the Bible:
Chapter 5: 3 I have taken off my robe—
must I put it on again?
I have washed my feet—
must I soil them again?
4 My lover thrust his hand through the latch-opening;
my heart began to pound for him.
5 I arose to open for my lover,
and my hands dripped with myrrh,
my fingers with flowing myrrh,
on the handles of the lock.
I swear, this is straight from the Bible!!