Tuesday, January 5, 2016

Failure is always an option...

Failure is always an option
- The MythBusters

Oh yes, I went there.

A new year is upon us.  2015 is done and gone, the world is new and bright (and at the moment very wet with a much needed rainstorm).  My first writing day of the new year has already been half spent writing to my property manager about the 4 roof leaks we have so far discovered with the aforementioned rainstorm...and vacuuming my living room so if she stops by she will not think we are total animals.  I have a terrible headache and my coffee is almost gone.  In celebration I will post my grumbley day poem, since I wrote it so I can.

 Today is a grumble-y sort of a day
For crossing my arms in that sort of a way,
for stomping my feet and shouting and yelling
for glaring and smirking and outright rebelling

Today is a day that is good for hurumph-ing
for closing my eyes and slugging and lumping
for making a mess on the newly cleaned floor
then running as fast as I can out the door!

Today is a wrong sort of terrible day
but not in a tangible, regular way
It just feels like everything I do is wrong
its hard and its weird and it takes far too long

So though it may seem just a little cliche
childish, self-centered and rather passe
I'm staging a protest, I'm finished, I'm through
At this point there's nothing that I plan to do

I'm done being useful, I've come to the end
I'm too tired, even, to try to pretend
I'm done being grown-up, I'm going to quit
It's been slowly coming, I have to admit

So if you might need me I'm going to be
Up high at the top of a very tall tree
I'm making a fort, and that's where I”ll stay
All through this hurumphing-ly grumble-y day

So if your day's grumbly and sluggish and lumphy

Come join me, my tree-fort is really quite comfy

There.  I feel better now.  And since one of my "resolutions" last January was to write more things in rhyme, I am going to cross that one off my list as "completed" or "not-failed at."

Keeping with the idea of going back and looking over the last year, as we are apt to do at the beginning of new ones of them - I am curious how many of my "resolutions" I successfully didn't fail.  
Shall we see? 

#1 - Eat chocolate whenever I REALLY want it.  

Check and check.  Who in their right mind wouldn't succeed at this resolution after all.  Though this year I have decided to change things up a bit.  This year, I resolve to drink coffee every single morning that I feel like drinking coffee.  I expect a similar success level as I go into 2017.  I am just that good. 

#2 - Purchase a pair of nice high heeled shoes and learn to walk in them.


It was a stupid resolution anyway.  

#3 - Use my twitter and Instagram accounts,  

Well, I use my Instagram.  Twitter, not so much.  It just seems rather redundant.  But, this year it is my goal to establish my online presence so that potential agents and/or publishers can find information on me if they happen to be looking.  So I suppose that will be a continued resolution for this next year,  

#4 - brew a successful batch of Kombucha Tea.  

I did that!  Lots in fact.  I should pull out my scobys again.  They are all sleeping in the fridge at the moment.  I stopped last year as soon as the weather warmed up because I didn't have to time to keep up with it, and a few of my batches got VERY strong! Since I was going for tea, and not liqueur - I put them all away.  But I got very good at it if I do say so myself.  Quite enjoyable! 

#5 - Give away more essential oils

Oh I always do that.  And like last year, I always have them.  So if anyone ever wants info and/or samples to try then please just let me know!  I truly enjoy researching this stuff.  And with new FDA regulations on what words can and cannot be said, it is getting harder to find correct info online.  Most of us that are working to bide by the regulations have taken down our blogs and resource pages, and so what is left is fear mongering and those that are not informed and/or following correct language protocol.  So be very careful researching Essential Oils online! There is still good info out there, but it is getting harder to find.  

#6 - Learn to make good homemade soap.  

So yeah, that hasn't happened yet.  It is still on my list to be sure.  But I will admit that after researching it, the dangers involved (i.e. LYE) have made me wary.  Perhaps when all three children are in school full time I'll have the time to explore the process.  But as long as there is a chance of a small one running up and hugging my legs while I am dealing with potentially explosive material...yeah not so much! 

Last on my list for 2015 was simply writing.  I did not do that enough, but I have high hopes for this year.  Because come August I will have 3 kids in school!  That means that 5 days a week, I will have 5 hours every day to devote to writing!  I am excited beyond words.  Truly.  I cannot wait! 

HA!  I just submitted a 4 line poem that I wrote in under a minute to Cricket Media.  Therefore catapulting myself into my new "resolution" which is to submit at least one item for either publication or representation once a month.  Now, it wont usually be a tiny 4 line poem.  But I felt the need to start the year (and my first day of writing for 2016) right.  

I also checked on the statues of a longer, better poem that I submitted last August and it is still listed as "in-progess."  I hate the waiting game.  Guess I need to resolve to get better at waiting while I am at it...

Honestly, this year I don't feel very "resolute." So while I do have several goals, as I have mentioned - I feel like in many ways, this will be a year to give up some things.  Perhaps it has to do with getting older and re-defining what is and is not important in my life. I think I tend to hang onto ideas that have always been...for no other reason than that I have never considered doing it otherwise.  I want to break that.  

So - here is my list of things I am Giving Up in 2016:

1. Mommy-groups.

I...I think I've out-grown them.  Not that they are a bad thing, at all.  They fit a very real need in my life for many years.  But my kids are older now.  I am not home with a baby that cannot talk or exhausted by multiple toddlers and needing a moment to just exchange war stories with other moms. I get a full 8 hours a of sleep a night (assuming I go to bed in time).  It is time to bow out gracefully. I realized this as I attended a MOPS (Mothers of Pre-schoolers) meeting last fall.  I looked around and realized that this was no longer for me.  The stories, the encouragement - it is all for moms with babies and toddlers.  I don't have that anymore.  So while I am so very thankful I had it when I needed it...I am now giving up my spot at the table for those that need it more than I do.  No more MOPS, no more mommy and me classes, no more hosting group play-dates.  My kids don't need them anymore...and weirdly enough, neither do I. 

2. Doing ALL of the housework.

Yes, along with not having small kids anymore.  I am giving up some chores around this house.  This means, I will be giving up un-loading the dishwasher, putting away kids laundry, sweeping and wiping down bathrooms.  From this day, henceforth - my minions will take care of these things.  

Prepare yourself, there will be great wailing and gnashing of teeth...and I will ignore it to the best of my abilities while I sit, relax and drink a glass of whatever the hell I doth please! 

3. I am giving up trying to achieve total control over my health.  

I know, it sounds weird.  But I am coming to grips with the idea that I have a chronic illness that is not going to just go away if I make the right diet changes or take the right supplements.  For 4 years now I have actively battled Hashimotos. And I mean battled!  I have put in countless hours of research, I have experimented, I have "advocated for myself" a.k.a, bullied doctors into giving me the tests I need; I have been bullied by doctors that told me there was nothing that can be done, changed doctors until I have found ones that would work with me...you name it. 

I'm tired. And I am tired because I have a thyroid that is trying to kill me. And not in a small way. My antibodies are off the charts and nothing I have tried (and trust me, I have tried just about everything) has changed that. So I am taking a much needed break. I will continue to educate myself, I just bought a new research book yesterday...but I will stop feeling like a failure because no matter what I try, nothing truly changes - in fact, sometimes it gets worse and I have to raise my medication again, which feels like another failure.  But you know what?  I may never get the "old me" back. And I need to be ok with that. Because the new me is VERY important.  And constantly denying that by trying to get back to where I was, just makes the new me feel like a failure.  And that is not ok. So I am giving up my old ideas of what is "healthy" and creating some new, more attainable ones. 

Oh goodness my time is up.  I don't feel like this list is complete.  Perhaps I'll write more later...perhaps not.  But for now - Happy new year! 

May your 2016 be all you hope it will be.  And just as a general warning to you all...I will only say this once: