Thursday, February 25, 2010

So come with me, where dreams are born, and time is never planned. Just think of happy things, and your heart will fly on wings, forever, in Never Never Land!

"Forget them, Wendy. Forget them all. Come with me where you'll never, never have to worry about grown up things again"

Said by Peter Pan to his lady Wendy.  He was inciting her to leave behind the responsibilities of real life. Luring her with stories of mermaids and a home under the ground.  Was it real? Pretend?  It didn't matter to him.  But did it to her?  Peter Pan - Truly one of the most amazing stories ever written.  I could write a hundred posts about the life lessons to be learned within those pages.

Things don't feel right here on earth today.  The sky has an almost sunny, mostly cloudy glare.  The sound of water dripping and clocks ticking are a little louder then they should be; and the beat is just off with Ayla's nap time music.  It is to warm with a jacket, to cold without one.  My eyes want so badly to rest but the world keeps coming up with reasons to put it off again and again.  I never know how to react to afternoons such as this.  Am I suppose to seize life by the horns and bend it to my will?  Am I just too warn out by everything that a warm bubble bath, classical music and a glass of wine would re-set the clock and make it all tick in time again?  Perhaps I need space to run, to get out that bottled energy so I can finally rest.   Or perhaps a moment frozen in time, just asking God to give me strength to be patient again and again.   Tears?  Laughter? Friends? Family? Or perhaps just simply time to be alone.   I believe this day is crooked ever so slightly to the left.  That has got to be the reason.  No day that is truly set straight would appear so off-kilter in rhyme, reason and fairy tale.  Usually on crooked days a song of some sort is bursting forth, expressing how I feel exactly and therefore putting things as they should be.  But today I am empty.  I need to get more sleep, I know that.  5am wake-up times have become the average, the days rarely stop long enough for even a moment to breath and daddy working overtime has become more normal then not.  Friends are near and beloved, but family is far and has much to accomplish in their own real life.  Yes, slightly to the left, and perhaps down some.  That is why things keep rolling off and getting lost.  And why everything I attempt to carry gets dropped and finds a place to hide between the couch cushions or underneath the refrigerator.  No one ever looks under the refrigerator.  If only I were a cricket it would be the best place to hide...ha!  I just realized where that dripping is coming from.  The ice machine in the freezer.  Without fail it always confuses me.  You would think I would have learned the sounds of my own house buy now.  I suppose it is just so rare to hear what is underneath the music and the children - the sounds of life.     

Ayla wont go to sleep this afternoon.  I've now lost track of how many interruptions this post alone has suffered.  Without fail she refuses to sleep on the afternoons I intend to attempt napping myself.  I hate yelling, but when a small one has been fussing, crying, screaming for over an hour as she is refusing to nap (she fell asleep for 2 minutes in the car) I find myself yelling.  I'm not sure why, it does no good.  I guess it just makes me feel better - though an instant of released fury is rarely a good exchange for belittling my children.  She is up again...why at this point I am trying I am not sure, we have a well baby visit in 45 minutes which means she will most likely fall asleep in 30.  I should probably give up and accept defeat. 

The sun just won it's battle.  It makes my eyes feel better almost immediately.  If I had time I would sit in it for a bit, but Life is walking up the stairs again.  I can hear his laugh.  It is not an unkind laugh, but it still makes

me tired to hear it. 

So what did Wendy choose?  Truly the temptation of a place where she could remain forever young and alive is hard to resist.  And for a while she enjoyed the adventure.  But in the end Wendy knew where her heart was.  No matter how lovely it is to play pretend, to have adventures, to make pockets and dance about the living room floor.   

"Never is an awfully long time."

I will settle with "Always" instead.  It has a bit more light to it.  It is brimming is possibilities and perhaps even includes a bubble bath or two.   I would like a bubble bath.....

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