I am restless today. So I decided I would pop on here real fast and tell you all about it. I have been bored, not sure of what to fill my time with lately. My children are growing, getting past the time when they need mom 100% of the time. It is nice! I am enjoying some independence. But as my roles change I am finding my job a bit menial. My new biggest role is that of mediator and referee. I clean the house and take care of never ending tasks, stopping every so often to break up fights and settle the age old question of "who had it first" and "who started it." I don't intervene every time, I refuse to have children incapable of settling disputes. But of course that means that settling these "disagreements" are often a task in and of itself, walking my small ones through the process of talking things out. Of course, since Ayla is small enough to not really understand beyond "She had it and I want it" this ALWAYS results in tears from her emotionally driven sister, who is big enough to understand...and so she often is the one getting in trouble as she chooses to grab and yell - therefore teaching her sister that is the way to settle it all...so even though Taylor may have had it first and Ayla is the one who started it...Taylor is the one getting in trouble because she grabbed it back knocking down the smaller one who in turn smacked her head on the coffee table!
I do try to keep at least partial peace. But it is a job!
Mind you, we still have fun playing together, reading stories, and my personal favorite; dancing to Disney music. But the days have been getting longer lately - we meander along through play, work and naptime and it is all framed by crazy insane evenings full of DOING. We are working hard to cut back on the evening doings, but I am slightly scared that without them my days will last even longer.
In short, I need a hobby! Any suggestions? I am up for just about anything...my only requirements are it needs to have purpose. I don't do well with meaningless cross-stitch or other equally purposeless hobbies. I have tried scrap-booking but it takes to long to set up and take down. So when I am finally ready to start, it is time to take it all down again or risk it all being destroyed. I also have no real pictures, they are all digital. I love going to the gym, but I rarely have the car these days and it takes to much pre-planning to have it for sure. My creativity is dwindling, perhaps it is the start of spring and the fever that comes with it. But I am tired of being cooped up and I need an outlet! Something that required doing, not sitting at a computer - not reading a book - not waiting for something to happen. DOING. I would love to do more decorating of my house and yard but it is expensive and I feel I can't really make these decisions without my husbands input.
Ah me - perhaps it is just this season I am stuck in. Perhaps it is a spiritual slap I need? A reminder to be content with what I have? A test to see if I can find joy in everyday life? Of course I do consider my life to be very joyful - it is not a lack of joy. In fact I have days I feel as if I am rather brimming with it! This is more a lack of...well see I'm not really sure...adventure? Creativity? Purpose beyond the raising of children and keeping of house. Not to belittle that which has been untrusted to me...I take it very seriously...and now see I am rambling?
Alright - I will check back in later. Ayla in the last few moments has found a plastic bag she keeps putting on her head (I swear this child has her angel working overtime!) has scattered the contents of the diaper bag across the living room floor and reduced her sister to tears for reasons I have yet to discover.
Six, seven, eight, nine ,ten,
Then I let it go again......
My dear friend and old roommate, whom I adore and love so much~
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry your kids are growing up! It's exciting, but at the same time, you're having to change too- not as much fun. I know you love to make bread- have you tried experimenting with making different types of breads? You can also make the dough (by hand if you'd like- GREAT stress relief!), pinch off small parts, and have the girls "create" their own loaf designs before baking it. You never know- you may even get a small business going!
I miss you!