Of ballet shoes and rainbows

I love real rainbows. I see one and it just fills me with a kid’s excitement all the way down to my toes. Someone asked me once how I knew my Wonderful Amazing Husband was "the one." I can't even remember who asked, but I remember the question. Now, this is a rather cliché question really. I guess there are lots of stock answers; I will let you fill in the generic blanks. But for me, the best way to truly explain it is I wanted to show him a rainbow. You see, when something is truly beautiful in life, you can't keep it to yourself. It needs to be shared or it loses some of its beauty. I knew he was someone I wanted to be with for the rest of my life when I saw a rainbow and the very very first thing I wanted to do was share it with him. In fact, I could hardly enjoy it myself until I did.

I was reminded of this a few days ago. I was off on my alone time (another reason my husband is wonderful and amazing - he insists I go off on my own a couple hours a week to read in a coffee shop or walk around target without kids. Wonderful!) I walked into the parking lot of Panara (my favorite place to sit and read) and there in the sky was a magnificent rainbow. At that very moment I was so very sad that I was alone. I honestly had to stop myself from flagging down all the strangers that passed me, (most of them not even glancing up to the beauty above them) and demanding they LOOK UP! It was one of those rainbows that is so bright you can see all the individual colors. And you just know, if only there was not something in the way, you would be able to see a glimmer of the gold at the end of it.

Now I will admit, I don't cry in movies - but the fact that I could not share my rainbow brought a tear to my eye. Luckily I have a cell phone. In a hurry I text-ed those sitting at home and asked if they could see it too. Oh joy of joys they could! I had been rooted to the spot, unable to move until I could share my rainbow. And un-safe as it may have been I walked into the story backwards so I could watch it as long as possible. I was content. I had shared my rainbow.

Alright - another Alice question for you all (ready Diana?) Did Lewis Carroll create Humpty Dumpty or did the rhyme come first and he simply used the character? Did you all know it was Humpty Dumpty that talked of Un-Birthdays and not the Mad Hatter at all? He even made Alice do the math for him (365 days in a year – 1 birthday = 364 un-birthdays) Yet several re-creations of the story I have seen have given full un-birthday credit to the Mad Hatter. Did you also know that the Mad Hatter and March Hare come back in the second book as Haigha (rhymes with "Mayor") and Hatta the white king's messengers? At least the characters look the same in the illustrations. The things I am learning reading this book! Such as that "Outgrabing" is something between bellowing and whistling, with a kind of sneeze in the middle: however, you'll hear it done, maybe-down in the wood yonder-and when you've heard it you'll be quite content. I bet you all didn't know that!

I apologize dear readers. I am feeling rather chatty today. And when happens, I rarely stay on track and tend to jump around all sorts of places making almost no sense at all. I shall make up for it and show you some pictures of my prima ballerina:

She was sooo excited to go to her first class.  And she did wonderful!

She was 100% comfortable being in the room without me, she did everything they asked her to do and by the end she had several little girls asking to stand by her and putting their arms around her shoulders.  The girl knows how to draws others to her!

My big four year old ballerina! 

She is already counting the days until Monday night again so she can go to class.  I have a feeling Mondays are going to be the new favorite!  She also met a new friend who is going to be starting at her new school with her in the fall.  I was excited about that.  Always nice to have a friend on the first day.  Makes it a little easier - on mom at least!
 

Ah, I hear drumming.  That can mean only one thing you know - you see:

The lion and the unicorn were fighting for the crown The lion beat the unicorn all around the town.Some gave them white bread, and some gave them brown;Some gave them plum cake and drummed them out of town.

 

Mmmm, plum cake sounds good!

Hat Quote Goes Here:

I looked to find a good one.  But I have discovered I have no patience today so I apologize, but you shall have to come up with your own! 

I will share however, that I have decided to become a hat person.  At the risk of sounding conceded, I think I look good in hats.  Or perhaps it is the draw of not having to work so hard on getting my hair to look like I did something to it...   Now I am not talking here about baseball hats.  Those I hate and always have.  No, I am talking about hats that you look at and think, “I like that!  I wish I had it in me to wear that” Well I have decided that I do.  I shall buy my first the moment it goes on clearance for 75% off.  I may desire to be a hat person...but I am also painfully frugal so since a hat does not fall into the "need" category I refuse to pay more then $4 on it (which is about what this hat will be once it goes down all the way).  If by chance I miss this one (though when I really have my eye on something at Target I rarely miss my lovely 75% off number.  It is a talent of mine.  Then I may have to give up and pay a little more.  But for now, eye on the prize!   Oh, and along with my soon to becoming hat-ness I am also thinking that come Fall I shall also be a scarf person.  That one may take a little more work.  Since they have to be tied a certain way and it takes a bit of a learning curve.  But hey, I figure if I can become an expert at tying a Moby Wrap, a scarf should be cake right?

My big four year old had a lovely birthday.  Would you like to see?  Ah, hold on - my coffee needs warming for the 3rd time.  Why must it get cold so fast!?!  I know it is just my dead mouth nerves right?  I make a hot drink for my wonderful husband; he takes one drink and has a blister for the rest of the day.  Yet I can drink it no problem.  I do wonder if there is something wrong with me. After all, shouldn't human mouths blister at the same temperature?  One would think...and yet I can drink it directly out of the boiling teapot.  Yes, yes, fine!  Come on people, I don't drink it out of the teapot itself.   I wait until it boils, put a tea bag into my cup, pour said boiling water into the cup and take a drink.  And you all laugh when the directions on the little snack bags in the airplane read "open bag, eat nuts." It is because of people like you!  And yes, you know who you are.  It is fun to see the faces of those at Starbucks when I order my drinks at 200 degrees though...

Oh yes, pictures! 

 My silly girl!  We went to the zoo.  Her choice, then it was McDonald's for lunch and home for a movie rest time. 

She so badly wanted to feel the giraffes.  It was the whole reason she wanted to go to the zoo and she was so excited we got to do it first thing!  

After rest time friends and family came over for hot dogs and mac and cheese for dinner, cake and rice crispy treats for dessert 

and of course...presents!

A good birthday.  And my baby girl is 4 years old now!

We have dubbed Sunday nights our family movie night.  Sunday naps always come late because of going to Grandma and Granddad's for lunch and before, I would stress that often Ayla would sleep until 5.  But now, I let her/them sleep as long as they need too.  Then we play outside a tiny bit and come back in for dinner and a movie.  Half way through the movie we stop it, jump in bath and get ready for bed.  Then it is back to cuddling on the couch as we watch the rest and then into bed.  It worked beautifully last night and we were all in bed by 9:30!  It is nice to start out the week heading to bed early.  5:30am comes all too early Monday morning!

We changed up our living room this past week.  I am loving it!  I went to Target (the land of plenty-of-deals) and found some 75% off items.  A small bistro table and 2 stools for only $25, and a storage ottoman that can also be used as a seat for $14.  So my large desk got trashed and now the table and one stool is my desk.  Much less room for clutter!  And the bookshelves are now out of the way and not creating more chaos.  I always love it when I can make changes that help my brain rest.  A restful brain is good!  

Though on the other side of that, a lazy brain is also not good.  I have decided the time has come for me to go back to school.  I have one class to complete and who knows what else to make up for time lost.  My kids are asking less of me now so I feel I have some time.  In fact, right after I write on here I shall email the Admissions office at APU and ask them what my first step needs to be.  Wish me luck!  The idea of going back to school gives me some anxiety, just because I don't know what exactly it will involve.  But I have been forgetting things and I feel it is mostly from too many small things to keep track of, and not enough actual brain work-outs.  What better way to work out my brain then to finish my BA! 

Perhaps my hats and scarves will be a sign of the new student in me.  They do feel rather student-ish.  I may also have to add to my coffee budget since I can imagine class and/or homework will require it!

Alright, I am thinking of it right now and have the motivation.  So I shall quickly close so I can get that letter off and my adventure started.  Pray it goes well!

"It's hard to be brave, when you are only a Very Small Animal." -Piglet

I don't feel very brave today. I am not really sure what I need to be brave for...but I do know that I am not very brave for it. Perhaps I am tired. Perhaps I am simply grieving a tiny bit in that my baby will be 4 tomorrow. Perhaps...oh I am not sure it is any use in perhaps-ing. Unless I need to put a name to my un-braveness for some reason or another, some days that is helpful. But today I think I simply need to be.

I will likely be very busy tomorrow, so I think - though I wasn't planning it I shall tell you a story. Would you like to hear a story?

4 years and one day ago a little girl was born!

4 years ago exactly I was already in the hospital. Most of you know what my pregnancy was like with Taylor, but in case there is one or two that do not know - I had/have a condition called pemphigoid gestationis. I won’t bore you by going into the details, but know the only way I can explain it is horrific. It is itchy beyond imaginable. It is truly painful enough to send a person insane without treatment, and I am not exaggerating. If you want to know more, here are a couple sites (The second link has pictures just to warn, though mine was far worse then any of the pictures shown).

http://dermatology.about.com/cs/pregnancy/a/pemphgest.htm
http://dermnetnz.org/immune/pemphigoid-gestationis.html

At 37 weeks pregnant we still didn't know what I had. The doctors were stumped, we knew it was auto-immune since it responded to steroids but we didn't know how the baby would be. I had been warned to expect my baby to be covered in spots when she was born. The itching had gotten so bad on that Saturday night, that Ryan took it into his hands and called the doctor telling them something needed to be done. I was crying and shaking uncontrollably because my body could literally not handle the stress the itching caused. The night-call person told us to head to the ER and up to the maternity ward, the doctor would meet us there. So we packed up. I can remember Ryan picking up the car seat and clipping it into the car. "Just in case" he said. We spent the next 3 hours at the ER waiting. They insisted we go through the process instead of just sending us up to maternity since I was not already in labor, not sure why. We were admitted and the ER doctor had me put on a IV of benadryl. It didn't do much for the itching, but it helped me rest a little. They kept trying to get a hold of our doctor, but it turned out he was out of town that weekend. We were begging for an induction, I had reached the end. I could not handle three more weeks of this and I have no doubt the baby would have been in distress had I tried. But since I was barely 37 weeks the OB office had not yet sent over my paperwork. The hospital wanted to hold me over night so that they could get that information and know what my doctor wanted to do. I think this crazy, spotted, blistered; pregnant girl crying in their office freaked them out. But they didn't know what I had, so they didn't know what was/was not safe without referring to my paperwork.

My doctor was scheduled to be back first thing Monday morning. I told them I wanted an induction the moment they got his OK. I remember being in and out of awareness all day Sunday, sometimes people were there, and sometimes they weren't. I couldn't focus on anything anymore but staying sane and feeling my baby move. That let me know she was ok. That night, about 1:30am, as I lay awake and my amazingly wonderful husband lay sleeping on the hospital cot nest to me. I felt something different. Two spontaneous muscle movements, a little painful but not bad. Then without warning I was laying in a puddle. My water had broken. I called the nurse, they tested it and sure enough - Taylor was on her way! Labor started out pretty light. The hardest part was that I had not really slept at all for several days. My mom was called and she got there about noon the next day. Just in time for hard labor to kick in. There was a team of specialists on-call; equipment waiting just outside the door and a nurse from Children's Hospital had been brought in. No one knew what I had, so no one knew how the baby would turn out. I had bad back labor, but having everyone there with me gave me the support to make it and just before 4pm Monday April 24th Taylor Joelle Reynolds was born! 6lbs 2oz, 19 inches long with bright red hair. No spots, no blisters, breathing, crying, kicking, perfect! She was a little bruised up but nursed wonderfully right away. I was a mom!

They gave me a steroid shot in my IV while I was in labor but that only lasted about 24 hours. By the next day my spots and blisters were back, bad. I had them all over my hands, my feet, my legs, everywhere but my face. Taylor was tiny and growing tinier. She went in for her three-day check-up and we were told she had lost too much weight. She was down to 5lbs 10oz and was always falling asleep when she should be eating. She had Jaundice. We had to take her back to the hospital. All Friday night we were up while she was under the lights. I would sleep for an hour, wake up and pump as much as I could, then nurse as long as she would. Sleep for another hour, wake up, daddy would give her what I had just pumped while I pumped and nursed some more. They told us that she would have to be under the lights at least 24-48 hours. By morning, at about the 15-hour mark her numbers had gone down into the safe area and we were told we could take her home! The doctors were shocked she had gotten better so fast.

Exactly a week after she was born I was sitting with my baby and Ryan was on the computer. He sits up suddenly and almost yells “I know what you have!” He had found a picture that matched, the Dermatologist confirmed that he agreed. It was three more months, three rounds of steroids and three hours of treatment by a naturopathic type dr. before I was finally on the mend. I was told I had a 93% chance of getting it again with my next pregnancy. I didn't!

Here - shows you how tiny she was.  That is a newborn onesie and it is swimming on her: 

Tomorrow Taylor will be 4 years old. I can't believe it, but isn't that what all moms say on their kids’ birthday? Funny how the days can seem so long sometimes, yet the years disappear before you can blink. My fiery redhead is not always so fiery. She has a soft heart for those that are hurting, she loves making those around her smile and LOVES to draw or do projects/crafts, play dress up, do somersaults on mom and daddy's bed, read books for hours and hours and help mom make cookies as a surprise for daddy! She wants to be a Ballerina/Astronaut someday (oh, and also a mom) and is learning to get along with her little sister.

So Happy 4th Birthday to my Taylor! I love you very much. I am so proud of the little lady you are becoming and I am so excited to share the many years ahead with you as your mom. You may be getting bigger now, but you will forever be, my Baby Girl.

I love you for always and forever, Mom