How does tha’ like thysel’

“Mother said that to me once,” she said. “She was at her wash-tub an’ I was in a bad temper an’ talkin’ ill of folk, an’ she turns round on me an’ says: `Tha’ young vixen, tha’! There tha’ stands sayin’ tha’ doesn’t like this one an’ tha’ doesn’t like that one. How does tha’ like thysel’?’ It made me laugh an’ it brought me to my senses in a minute.”                                                                                            - The Secret Garden


There is no parenting manual.  No real instruction book.  I think just about every new parent is told this, says this or at the very least; thinks these words at one point or another in their early parenting (or later parenting, it is all new).  Well, as I often do with those mainstream every-one-knows-it-is-true ideas...I disagree.  On the contrary, there are many many parenting instruction manuals.  You just have to be open to finding them. And no, I am not talking about the shelves and shelves of "Parenting" books at your local bookstore/library.  Come on people; let us get a little more creative then that? 

Of course, speaking of "those" books I do happen to be one of "those" parents. You know, the one that drives you crazy? The one that reads every book I can get my hands on.  Trouble with a sleeping baby?  Buy a book!  2 year old throwing tantrums in public?  I am sure ONE of the many multi-colored paperbacks that seem to promise the world (not to mention a perfect child) can help...right?  I have a good collection; some of them have even helped.  And to the chagrin of those around me, I often will share some of the beads of wisdom found within them.  Please, if it annoys you then feel free to tell me to shut up.  I wont be offended I promise, I just get a tad over enthusiastic when I think I have a useful resource.  Though it is funny, I think the most useful thing I have been able to glean from these so called "instruction manuals" is that I am not alone in my parenting struggles.  I remember hardly being able to read the words on the page in The Fussy Baby Book (Dr. Sears) through red, tired eyes brimming with tears because finally, I got a little encouragement that my VERY fussy baby was ok.  That it was not just me, that all other babies around me didn't truly spend every night sleeping (without waking every 1.5 hours) and their days smiling and coo-ing as they seemed too vs. my always crying HOLD ME NOW ALL DAY ALL NIGHT! child.  And oh the difference it made to hear that what I had been doing was the RIGHT thing.  That holding my baby, rocking her, nursing her, being there for her when something obviously was wrong and there was nothing I could do was ok.  That I was not spoiling her, that I was comforting her when it hurt, when she couldn't comfort herself.  And on the flip-side that it was also ok to take a deep breath, put her in her bed, close the door and let her scream for a few minutes while I ate dinner with my family. 

But through all the "parenting" books I really have found my manuals elsewhere.  For instance, as stated above, in The Secret Garden; Dicken's mom has much instruction to give to children and parents alike.  But how many kids did she have again?  And every one of them turned out so smashingly.  She knew how to raise hard workers, a parenting talent that is slowly becoming more and more rare.

One of my favorite instruction manuals for parenting comes from a truly un-likely source, the fantasy serious 'The Belgariad' by David Eddings.  Absolute gems of parenting genius!  I would say those books are worth a read just for the good advice you will receive. Mary Poppins is another one of my idols.  She is very mater a fact.  And of course, you never know what will happen.  I looked for quotes from her - but all I could find were ones from the movie.  I don't actually own those books; I need to.   

I have heard much praise for the parenting book 'Love and Logic' I have not actually read it myself (though intent on always bettering myself, I would someday like too).  But I will dare any expert on real love and logic to out-parent Mrs. Piggle Wiggle! She is without a doubt one of my very favorites.  Hmmm, I should read those books to Taylor.  She is at the very perfect age to love them.  Maybe when she wakes from her nap today.  I should go hunt my copy down....hold on. Ah yes!  Found it.  Oooh, and this one has The Selfishness Cure and The Never-Want-To-Go-To-Bedders Cure.   Both great ones!  Oh yay, I am excited for Taylor to get up now!

But you see, my manual goes beyond just my favorite books.  I will never be a perfect mother, and I shall never have perfect kids - Thank God!  For as my incredibly intelligent mother always pointed out to my siblings and I as we were growing: "if I had perfect kids, then if ever we disagreed, I would always be wrong!"  Terrible for a mother, always being wrong?  No perfect kids are worth that!  But perfect as I shall never be, I do very much want to be my best.  There are a few things that I have learned from my children and from my manuals that keep my sane throughout the day.  For instance, what parent can read this and not laugh?

Elsie Marley's grown so fine,
She won't get up to feed the swine,
But lies in bed 'till eight or nine!
And surely she does take her time

A simple nursery rhyme.  But can you not hear the sarcasm!  It was first written in the 1700's.  I can just hear a father writing those words on the fly when his pre-teen daughter has slept past what he considers a reasonable hour.  Can't you just hear "Daaaaad!" and see those rolling eyes?   

So the first thing I have learned as a parent is we should take things a little less seriously.  Don't be afraid to tease your kids and have them tease you!  Laugh together.  After all, we can all try again tomorrow.  That is one of the blessings of a year having 365 days in it.  Every day is new.  We learn, we move on.  Let it go, laugh!

You ready for my second?  I mentioned this book (David Eddings is the author) above.  A little background: The boy Doroon has just broken his arm and he is taken to "Aunt Pol" to get it fixed up.

"Drink this," she instructed Doroon, handing him a steaming mug.
"Will it make my arm well?" Doroon asked, suspiciously eyeing the evil- smelling brew.
"Just drink it," she ordered, laying out some splints and linen strips.
"Ick! It tastes awful," Doroon said, making a face.
"It's supposed to," she told him. "Drink it all."
"I don't think I want any more," he said.
"Very well," she said. She pushed back the splints and took down a long, very sharp knife from a hook on the wall.
"What are you going to do with that?" he demanded shakily.
"Since you don't want to take the medicine," she said blandly, "I guess it'll have to come off."
"Off?" Doroon squeaked, his eyes bulging.
"Probably about right there," she said, thoughtfully touching his arm at the elbow with the point of the knife.

So the second thing I have learned - again something my mom has often said.  Did I mention she is very wise?  Don't feel so sorry for your kids.  There are a lot of hard things in life.  I agree that it is our job as parents to protect our kids.  But I don't believe part of that protection means raising future adults that cannot deal with real life.  Does that make sense?  It is hard to learn how to clean a room, but you know what?  It is something that needs to be learned.  So if it takes hours a day to learn this?  I will spend hours a day teaching it.  I will try every angle I can think of in order to make the teaching as effective as I can.  But at the end of the day the room WILL be clean and it will not be me who made it that way.  Yes, there is screaming involved, yes it is no fun on both our parts.  But this is life.  I guess that kind of feeds into the next thing I have learned:

Discipline is all about choices...on the part of the child.  Now, this mostly applies to kids 2.5 and up.  And yes, at 2.5 they are old enough to make a choice, something big happens around that 1/2 mark.  Ask my husband; I say the phrase "you have 2 choices" to my children A LOT.  Example?  "You have 2 choices.  Obey and do as I ask right now.  Or, you can choose not to obey and accept the consequences.  The consequences for not obeying will be for your ballet shoes to go in time-out for one day.  What do you choose?"    Or, on the flip side:  "You KNOW that hitting is not acceptable in this house.  You chose to dis-obey and hit your sister.  Because you chose hitting over using nice words, ballet shoes are in time-out. Next time you can choose to use nice words instead and then you wont lose your shoes! But this time you chose to hit, so this is the consequence for that choice."   Can you tell ballet is big in this house?  What the choice thing does is turn 100% of the responsibility onto them.  At least for my kids - this makes a difference.  But again, when the ballet shoes are taken away (as they are typically about 1-2 times a week.  She has a memory span of about 3 days.  Pretty good I'd say for 4!) and the fussing starts?  I have to remember that this is a choice SHE made.  Feeling sorry for her now will do no good.  And if it is a ballet practice day and she has no shoes?  She doesn't go to practice.  I have a hard time then not feeling sorry.  Especially since I am paying for that lesson.  I have to remind myself that this lesson is more important and well worth 1/4 of $35.

Goodness, it is getting late and wow this is getting long!  I have more, but I will have to make this a two-part post.  I didn't mean to delve into all this when this post started.  But sometimes, once we throw our sticks into the water they look a bit different coming down the stream then they did in our hands.  I hear the real trick is throwing it in a twitchy sort of way....

I have a ballerina!

Want to see?

There she is!  My big girl, 4 years old.  Her first ever ballet recital!

She has "the wave" down. I suppose she is practicing for the many years ahead when she will be surrounded by her adoring fans.

         She wasn't supposed to touch her costume.  And she did so good holding her hands up so that the skirt would stay poofy.

 Waiting for practice to start.  LOTS of waiting, lots of practicing.  But she did great through it all!

Waiting for their part to start at rehearsal.

The redhead in the back is Taylor's teacher.  She loved it when she first started and her teacher had red hair just like her!

 We worked hard between practice and performance to learn how to dance without fingers in the mouth.  She did perfect! 

 

My baby girl danced with a boy!

The kids worked so hard to be able to hold hands as they danced about the stage.  They had some trouble in practice, but by the show they had it 100%

Bowing together, so cute!

Taylor's good friend Abby.  Abby will be starting in the same pre-school class as Taylor this fall.  I am so excited she will already have a friend.

I was so proud of my dancer.  She didn't get a bit nervous, her moms daughter!  She held her head high, followed every direction and loved every minute of it.  I have a feeling this child will love the stage.  

She got flowers from Aunty and held onto them the entire night and all the way home.  She felt like a queen. 

I know this is not really fair. 
 I haven't actually written anything today.  To make up for it I promise to write again later this week.  But for now, the movie is done and life must be accomplished somehow.  But wasn't she so cute?  I am waiting for more pictures and will likely post more when I get them.  Proud mom here!  Until next time....

One day is not enough...

I am a very very blessed wife and mother.  I am bless in other ways too, but I put these specific blessings into those categories at the moment because of the particular blessing I get based on those jobs.

What blessing you ask?  Well, thanks to my wonderful amazing husband I get one night a week off.  I dash off on my own after dinner and spend a couple hours alone reading in a coffee shop, getting some shopping done all by myself or simply just walking around somewhere enjoying as much solitude as I can possibly muster.  The only requirement I have for this time is…have you guessed it?  It must be spent totally and completely alone.  No one else is invited, for a moment I take a breath and simply enjoy being by my self.   I need this.  And I am able to cope so much better day to day knowing it is coming.  Knowing that for at least two hours a week I will not have to break up fights, clean small behinds, play with blocks, do dishes, pick up toys, fold laundry, poor milk into cups, pull weeds, make beds or really DO anything.  I can simply be.  I can strip away the stresses of the here and now and live somewhere in the beyond.  Delicious! 

The second blessing I am so very very thankful for, is once a week my truly remarkable in-laws watch my children so my husband and I can go out on a date.  Now - I am going to be shameless for a moment.  I truly married my best friend.  We love just hanging out, talking, not talking, laughing, playing, working - it doesn't matter.  I am giddy at times with excitement waiting for Tuesday night to come.  I feel as if at least this one thing in our lives we have done very right – it has certainly taken work on both our parts, but it has been work we both have been dedicated to keeping up.   We have our times we have to talk things through - but we always do. 6 years married now, 10 years together and never have we let something simmer to the point of explosion. I really truly would rate my marriage at a 10.   I feel very very blessed in this.  K - done being shameless.   Life has been stressful lately.  There is no doubt of that.  I have been very very very overwhelmed (I think I need to stop using the word ‘very’) and since we depend so much on one another for strength to make it through I have decided - one day is not enough!  Now, I am not saying we need an extra date-night.  But lately we have been staying up way to late every night.  Funny, when you are apart all day it seems, at times, you need to re-introduce yourselves to one another every night.   That process sometimes involved words, and sometimes does not.  But it always takes time.  Time I very very much enjoy...but oh I am tired! So very tired (ok, I have a ‘very’ problem today.  I give up, feel free to ignore it if you must).  My husband is better at the whole lack of sleep thing then I am.  I need a solution!  I am not willing to give up my alone time; it is truly what keeps me sane. But it is getting harder to schedule. Especially since now, alone time HAS to be behind closed doors.  We can't put the kids down at 8pm and have dinner just us two, and simply hang out until bed.  We have from when we are ready to go into the room and close the door, to when we fall asleep.  So that often means our alone time doesn't even START until 9:30-10:00. The alarm goes off every morning at 6:00 and it is still a very rare night that one or both children are not awake for one reason or another.  This equals a wonderful wonderful marriage - and one tired mom! I don't think we can keep doing this, but I am not sure what the solution is.

I have been more stressed lately.  And it is showing physically.  I have gotten a weird lump feeling in my throat. It feels like I almost didn't swallow a pill or like I need to burp or cough but can't.   I thought at first it might be allergies or acid.  But now I am almost 100% sure it is stress.  It goes away when things are calm.  It was gone all day Saturday until I got into a mile long line at walmart that night and then it was back full force!  So please pray I can find a solution to handling my stress.  It has felt a little out of control lately.  All I can do it cry "help me" out to God when things are hard.  I can't even formulate the why or the how.  All I know is this needs to be under control for my kids, my family and me.  One of the things we are hoping will help us this week - we are going shopping for another truck.  Our little one is still not better, and no local shops will even take it because they don't know what to do for it.  It is time to look elsewhere.  So please, pray that we find one SOON.   A vehicle that can hold all of us (car seats and Geneva) would be so wonderful.  But we will also be happy with just something that can mean all five of us can go somewhere together, even if it means taking two cars.  Something Ryan can drive to work so that I can have the car during the day.  Something that will work that will not put us back into counting every cent in order to just get by.  Things have been easier financially lately - I don't want a $400 car payment that will kill us again.  Especially since our car will be paid off in just a couple months!  I admit - it seems lately everywhere we look there are couples with three cars.  Either they have two personal cars and a work car, or two practical ones and a "fun" car.  But either way it is two drivers and three cars.  We have three drivers and only one car!  Ok - that is not fair and I apologize.  I am not here to induce un-called for guilt.  We could technically afford another, we have chosen not to thus far because it is possible to work with just one and it saves money.  But it is getting harder and more stressful.  I guess at some point we have to ask if it is worth it.

So it is again a Monday.  My charge woke at 8:15 and was not happy with my greeting of informing her she was 15 minutes late to work.  We have made it very clear, that until she gets a job, her 40 hour a week "job" is finding one.  This means that sleeping in until who knows when is not acceptable or responsible behavior.  So we have a sullen presence in this house right now.  I fear a talk on attitude is soon to follow.  Please, would anyone like to take my place for a while?  I am working very very hard to keep this house a home at the moment - and it is taking more and more energy.  Graduation was only last Thursday; I fear this has only just begun!    This too will pass right?  In the meantime I am taking a deep breath and letting it out slow.  I CAN do this with God's help.

We are stranded at home today, so I can't go off anywhere. Though I am wishing the gym was within walking distance right now!  We played in the yard all morning today until it was too hot to be out there.  I think that is going to become our new every morning tradition.  Breakfast, then playing in the yard for as long as we can.  I do better with some real sun first thing in the morning and my kids do too.  And spending time with my garden is always nice.  We have a pumpkin plant that has trailed off by over 5 feet!  I love the little curly vines on it.  We are going to have pumpkins coming out our ears by the end of summer.  So fun!

I apologize - this is a rather stagnant post.  Mostly it is my own ramblings and frustrations, not even in the realm of entertainment.    But that is the purpose of a blog right?    So surrounded by job hunting, searching for a car and trying with all my might to fit time alone with my husband into the mix I leave you with a valuable thought:

Never underestimate the value of doing Nothing, of just going along, listening to all the things you can’t hear, and not bothering.        -Winnie The Pooh

 I think I need to spend some extra time not bothering today.  Perhaps the girls and I will "not bother" together.  I think Taylor would like that.  Especially since I am almost 100% positive that REAL "not bothering" involves a good deal of chocolate.