To my Beloved Readers:

“I write to give myself strength. I write to be the characters that I am not. I write to explore all the things I'm afraid of."   - Joss Whedon

 

 I think I need to get bolder with my writing. I feel I grow so much when I receive constructive feedback and make much needed changes - and so many of you have been so helpful in that. However, I feel that what I specifically need, is to better learn what makes an audience love a character. 

 

 

 

I have been reading the "Game of Thrones" series lately. I have truly enjoyed these books - but not for the sake of the storyline itself, which let's be honest, is not all that strong. The same themes are repeated over and over and I have yet to see anything entirely original. But the characters!  Oh you truly don't care what story they happen to be caught up in when you get to watch these characters live it. George R. R. Martin is a genius at character development. He can make you love, hate, be annoyed by, admire, despise, be jealous of, be revolted by, feel pity towards, feel anger at, want to comfort, warn, kill (or just seriously maim and torture), desire, believe; Anything. He. Wants when it is comes to his characters.

 

Genius.        

 

I don't have that ability yet, though I get excited when I read it because I think I could. I almost feel like I am reading these books as a research project. (think my husband will fall for that? "I'm sorry the house is a mess, the kids are running wild and dinner is not ready. I was researching!")   

 

The thing is, I'm not sure exactly how he does it. It is not in the dialogue. Again, the dialogue is not really that strong. I have actually had to re-worded/re-write sentences in my head it to make them flow better as I read. He doesn't like saying who is saying what (and one character will have 2-3 names that are used interchangeably - so it is really hard to even know who is talking. That drives me crazy.) It is not the relationships which are generally pretty shallow, it is not the storyline. It is the characters themselves. He has learned how to write characters like a composer writes music. You know how you are supposed to feel when you hear it.  But you can't really explain how you know that is what you are supposed to feel. And when you try to explain it  ("Umm...I felt angry there because the music was fast and had loud parts?") You just sound stupid. 

 

I want to write like that. 

 

So - I am going to do some experiments. Some training exercises.  And I need your help.  

 

To date, I have 3 stories completed. 2 of those stories are ones I am sending to publishers. One of those stories was mostly just fun - and while I would love to publish it someday, it doesn't really fit into a good "children's book" category so I think it would be a challenge.  

 

Along with those three completed books, I have three that have been started but not completed. And then three more again that are still just in the idea stage.   

 

All this I have done working just two mornings a week for the past three and a half months. You work fast when you have limited time and a terrible gut need to get words on paper!  

 

The problem is, as I mentioned above - I don't feel like I am growing fast enough. I joined a critique group, but found the process of critiquing others tedious, frustrating and EXTREMELY time consuming (A BIG thank you to everyone who has sent me detailed critiques. I know how hard it can be and you guys have helped me already grow leaps and bounds beyond where I started!). But with such limited time every week, I was spending hours reviewing others work - only to get a "that looks fine to me" type of response back on mine. Maybe I just got a bad group, who knows.  But the whole process was discouraging as a new writer wanting very much to grow. 

 

 The other night, while discussing this briefly with my husband - he suggested that I do something of a mini-serious. Parts of a book written and released once a week, to see what kind of response I get - whether I can inspire anticipation for the next chapter release. I've been thinking of that ever since he said it and I think I like that idea. 

 

So here is where you come in! I am going to release one of my stories here on my blog - the beginning of it anyway.  That will force me to be consistent in writing it and (hopefully) help me learn how to better develop my characters. I want to get some "book club" type responses. Does that make sense? I want to see discussion of the story, I need to hear what characters tickle the fancy of my readers and why.  I would LOVE people to read the story to their kids and get their responses as well - please share the story with your friends and have them read it to their kids too. I need a multitude! And if you can, please add your responses to this blog - not to a facebook post (though if the blog is being stubborn I take responses wherever I can get them!) But that way, I can keep them nice and organized with the original material for quick reference on my part; and so the widest possible audience can see it.

 

Along with my mini-series. I am also going to look seriously into self-publishing one of my stories. My completed, not publisher friendly story. As most of you know, I am NOT a fan of the self-publishing route.  But I think if I view it as a teaching tool, (And not as an attempt at achieving author statues) I can stomach the thought. And it will get it out and available for review, which is what I need!

 

Oh I am getting excited about this. I hope you guys are too, that would make me so very happy. A happy reader is a happy writer, there is no question of that!

 

So are you ready?

 

Let the adventure begin! 

 

 

 

 

Follow these simple steps, and you too can be a miserable person!

"You're a rotter, Mr. Grinch 
You're the king of sinful sots 
Your heart's a dead tomato splotched with moldy purple spots 
Mr. Gri-inch! 
You're a three-decker sauerkraut and toadstool sandwich with arsenic sauce!"


 I have seen 4 cars run red lights right in front of me in the last 24 hours. 4. Had I gone the moment my light turned green, I would have been hit. I could have been hit 4 times in the last 24 hours. And it is only December 17th!

On my way to take my littlest to school this morning, someone cut in front of me and then proceeded to drive 20 below the speed limit. I wasn't late, (amazingly!) but still I grit my teeth in frustration at the gaul of said driver. How DARE they get in my way?!? Why can't anyone in this city drive correctly!?!

Then I had an epiphany, lightning, struck my brain! Ok, perhaps it was not near so catastrophic as that.  Perhaps closer to the truth, is that I had a moment of conviction.

The person that cut me off had just come out of the gas station. They were driving an old van that had what my husband refers to as "the blue smoke of death" coming out of the back. A thousand possible stories ran through my head all at once:

 - Single mom of 4 kids, dad long gone. She spent her last $10 on gas to get home to see her family for just a short while before starting a long sought after job that would cause her to work on Christmas day. She NEEDS to get home to see her babies, even just for that short time.

- The car didn't work at first, if she doesn't make it to this meeting she will be fired.  She said a prayer of faith and tried once more and the car sputtered to life. Filled with thankfulness she pulled into the road without looking properly.  God knew I was paying attention, I was a part of her gift.

- Brand new Grandma just got word that her first grandson was just born - perhaps healthy, but maybe she gets only a short time with him due to a medical condition. The faster she gets there, the more time she gets. Every moment is precious.   

- Military wife/mother, just the call that her husband/son came back early and gets to be home for Christmas! Or perhaps he wont, perhaps her vision was blurred with tears and she just needed to get away, far away.

Thank you God, for the woman who pulled out in front of me today. I pray blessings on her and those she loves. I pray protection, I pray for health and joy and a long life for her dying van! Keep it running so long as it is needed.

Ah you see? Perhaps I am the only one who will pray for her this Christmas. Perhaps she needed it desperately and God knew, so he put her in my way. Thank you God, for putting her in my way.

It is funny to me how everyone's stress and aggression seems to come out while they are driving. It is as if we feel anonymous in our cage of metal, we will take liberties we never would have dreamed of had our name been attached to the action. How would your car look, if your name was pasted to the side of it in bold, bright letters every time you did something that was inconsiderate of those around you - regardless of how they were acting first? Would we make different choices if our sins were visible wherever we went?

As I was growing up, my mom had a sign up in the livingroom that read "Choose Joy." As I have battled the many challenges of parenthood, health, marriage and just general adulthood with its money, time and life challenges - that sign often flashes through my mind.

Choose Joy.  

You see, we like complaining. It is fun. It makes us feel important, it makes us feel close when we complain together. We enjoy feeling wronged, we like it even more when we get something out of it. "You wronged me, fix it now! You now owe me BIG time!"

My beloved mother recently celebrated a birthday.  And to celebrate becoming more wise, as birthdays are apt to do - she posted a list of "joy robbers."

To encourage you to Choose Joy this Christmas season, I wanted to post this list.  I know especially with all the stress that the holidays seem to bring, I regularly need a reminder that true joy is a choice, and not something that the world owes me.

Do me a favor. Read each line twice, slower the second time. And listen.

JOY ROBBERS...
Linda Evans

1. Be a chronic complainer.

2. Demand unconditional love from people....no matter how you behave.

3. Throw temper tantrums when you get mad.

4. Do what you want to do, whenever you want to do it.

5. Demand instant gratification for your desires.

6. Think people should be able to read your mind.

7. Believe the world owes you.

8. Expect others to take care of you and solve your problems.

Did you listen?

We are all guilty! I know I am. 

So tell me, has your mind started forming "Buts" and "reason why" yet? Let me save you some time (and as always, know that I speak to myself here as well). You are not special, you are not the exception. You don't get a free pass because of xyz. You are accountable for your own attitude, regardless of the circumstance. 

Say it with me: I am the master of my own attitude!

Whats more, as the mom, I am the one that chooses the attitude of my home. That is a big responsibility, and one that I all too often take lightly. Today, will I choose stress? Annoyance? Distraction? Anger? Will I choose indifference, condescension? Will I choose to be the victim? Making all those around me feel guilty for unknown faults? Will I choose to be the aggressor? Making all those around me feel half of who they should be in order to bend to my will, my whims, my unpredictable flares of temper? Where will I find my joy? From the cowering of others? From the affirmation of others? From the neglect of others? Will I make myself feel strong by forcing others to feel weak? Will I find my joy in sharing misery with others? Will I find my joy in things? Will I find my joy in how much I can get from others? Or will I decide that joy is not worth my time - after all, I tried being nice and it got me no where. Why bother? Throw it all down, let us hate the world, Christmas, consumerism, hypocrites, drama, "fake people," let us be hateful together!


Choose Joy.

I am the master of my own attitude. This is not "how I happen to feel today." This has nothing to do with feelings. It is possible to be sad, and yet be filled with joy. Happiness does not = joy. Joy brings happiness, not the other way around. And it does not happen all at once, it is a process. And it starts with the choice.

Choose Joy.

Choose to let go of everything else. Take a deep breath, let it out. And Choose Joy.

Does this post make you angry? Annoyed? Feel inadequate? Good. It does the same to me. I have a hundred excuses you see, choosing joy is not easy. It is not comfortable. There are days I downright hate it. Being wronged by the world is comfortable. I like that. It releases me from responsibility. Being responsible is uncomfortable and takes lots of energy that I just don't have. Choosing Joy can be the most difficult thing we ever have to do, and it has to be done over and over and over. But it is good, oh it is good! And you know what? You do deserve it. You deserve Joy, it is a gift that has been given to you because you are so incredibly special! You are exceptional! And this gift has been given to you, to me for absolutely free! 

What difference will it make in the life of my children if I Choose Joy today? If I can model the opposite of those things listed above for them? What difference would it make in my marriage? In my friends, my family, in my own life? How amazing would that be? 

Father God, this Christmas I pray for Joy. I pray it for my family, for my friends. I pray it for my husband and for my children. I pray it for me. Joy unbounded, beyond logic, beyond words. I pray for your joy, so complete that everything else fades in comparison. I think you for the gift you gave to us, your baby boy. Your Joy, in human form.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Merry Christmas everyone!

Always Healing

Some of you know that I have been on a "journey of healing" to put it simply. I have been fed up entirely trying to be well on my own - even though my bloodwork shows my numbers being "within normal" I have still been battling many, many Hashimoto's symptoms and it has affected just about every aspect of my life, making me not as effective of a wife, mother and person in general!

Of course, I generally cannot embark upon any great life work without eventually sharing it with my beloved reader. It truly means the world to me to have you share in both my victories and frustrations. 

On this journey I have been focusing on three main aspects of being a whole person.

1. The physical side of health: What I do/do not eat - Seeing food as medicine with the power to hurt or heal based on the choices I make. Working to be balanced and listening to my body to know what makes it well and what makes it miserable.  Of course exercise is also a part of full body health, that is generally the easiest for me. But I am working to add into my normal work-outs lots of deep breathing as well as prayer for health. Sleep of course is vital and there is a small list that follows of other physical needs that I am making sure are not forgotten. Funny how sometimes even the most basic need can be forgotten as we get caught up in the whirlwind of life.

2. The spiritual side of health: This can be a real challenge with small kids.  Alone time for prayer and/or meditation, much less any kind of Bible study is almost laughable. I tried for a while to get up before everyone else, but even as I woke up at 6am, my kids had already beat me (and the sun!) to it.  Before 6 I doubt I will remember anything that I read, so I am instead finding small pockets through-out the day. 2 minutes here, 5 minutes there. I am living life with God laughing along at my side, being a part of the everyday - and it is good.

3. The emotional. This is always the hardest for me. I am not a generally emotional person, and so being willing to be open to that when it is needed can be a real challenge. Admitting that every so often I just need a good cry and a moment to be openly lonely, frustrated, angry or even deeply sad. My oldest baby girl is so good at being there for me when it comes to this. She feels so deeply and can get to the heart of an issue with such childhood innocence and simplicity, where I would be blundering about for hours and entirely missing the point. I am thankful for her - and for all my children. They are such wonderful (and tragic) mirrors to our innermost selves. I am so blessed.

Through this journey, God has placed a mentor in my life. She is a nutritionist (among other things) with more certifications than I can count. I met her through a moms group and have been meeting with her to talk about shaping my whole body health, (all the things mentioned above) but especially my nutrition around what I personally need in order to be healthy. The journey is never easy, but after a few rough weeks I feel like I have woken up a bit. I had enough energy last night after the kids went to bed to do dishes, tidy the living room AND sort, fold and put away four loads of laundry! I wanted to cry with relief as I would walk into my living room and it was not a disaster zone! And for the first time in almost three years, I was not plagued with guilt over everything I felt I should do but simply couldn't because of the bone deep exhaustion that made it hard to breath, must less face the ever growing mountain that is the laundry a family of five can produce in a just a few short days.

So celebrate with me! The world outside today is all aglow with a fresh fall of rain, the air is crisp and clean. I have my morning coffee and I am enjoying the bustle of the warm restaurant around me. I am teaming with story ideas that I feel I must release onto paper or fly apart. I feel full of life and hope today. A world apart from where I seem...

I sat down to write last week. Of course I had a good idea of where I wanted to go with a particular story idea, and instead it ended up being very far down, left and sideways from where I ended up.  I wrote for two hours and at the end looked down at my computer screen to see a poem looking back - with whole sections I could not remember having written, yet there they were so I must have! I feel there is much in this piece that is open for interpretation. It is raw, un-edited. Perhaps it is meant to be. I do not feel like I wrote it for myself, yet I do feel it was written for a reason - perhaps for you beloved reader. So I will end my post of hope and healing today with this. Within the bustle of the holiday I pray peace for you all -  peace that whispers all around in a world that roars without a sound.

My friend and I

I have a little friend, as pretty as can be.

She has two legs, two arms, a nose and giggles just like me.

We like to run and skip and play,

she's by my side throughout the day.

We laugh and jump and sing together,

through sun and wind and wild weather.

Until the sun begins to yawn, and birds begin to sigh.

My friend she reaches to the sky, my friend begins to die.

“Oh please!” I beg, “don't leave me now, don't go” I cry in vain.

But as the sun dips to the west, the leaves turn golden reds.

The birds return to hearth and nest to tuck their babies into beds.

My friend she gives me one last wave and slowly fades to night.

My tears give sparkle to the stars, my grief it feeds the light.

The Moon she is a beast of beauty, a hunter sounds a call.

A dipper measures velvet black, a haunting song is calling back.

A world apart from where I seem, my friend is now a long off dream.

A time of joy so long forgotten, a childhood fancy now besotten.

An end so tired, the dark has woken into a world so vast and broken.

I sit alone upon the ground, the sky above is still.

Your peace it whispers all around, the world it roars without a sound.

I breath a song of love and sorrows, of loss and joy and new tomorrows.

Of blues and greens and brilliant gold, of songs and stories never told.

And though I'm old and gray and frail, a new day dawns, a new ship sails.

My friend with arms and legs and eyes, peeks or' the hill to soon arise.

And bathe me with her golden cry, as new and glorious as the sky!

Together we will fly untamed, cross mountain range and desert planes.

A flash of lightning rips the sky, A dragon roars a thunderous cry,

I give a wink and wave goodby, and we just laugh my friend and I.

(Written by Sarah Bethuel Reynolds)