Thursday, November 21, 2013

Always Healing

Some of you know that I have been on a "journey of healing" to put it simply. I have been fed up entirely trying to be well on my own - even though my bloodwork shows my numbers being "within normal" I have still been battling many, many Hashimoto's symptoms and it has affected just about every aspect of my life, making me not as effective of a wife, mother and person in general!

Of course, I generally cannot embark upon any great life work without eventually sharing it with my beloved reader. It truly means the world to me to have you share in both my victories and frustrations. 

On this journey I have been focusing on three main aspects of being a whole person.

1. The physical side of health: What I do/do not eat - Seeing food as medicine with the power to hurt or heal based on the choices I make. Working to be balanced and listening to my body to know what makes it well and what makes it miserable.  Of course exercise is also a part of full body health, that is generally the easiest for me. But I am working to add into my normal work-outs lots of deep breathing as well as prayer for health. Sleep of course is vital and there is a small list that follows of other physical needs that I am making sure are not forgotten. Funny how sometimes even the most basic need can be forgotten as we get caught up in the whirlwind of life.

2. The spiritual side of health: This can be a real challenge with small kids.  Alone time for prayer and/or meditation, much less any kind of Bible study is almost laughable. I tried for a while to get up before everyone else, but even as I woke up at 6am, my kids had already beat me (and the sun!) to it.  Before 6 I doubt I will remember anything that I read, so I am instead finding small pockets through-out the day. 2 minutes here, 5 minutes there. I am living life with God laughing along at my side, being a part of the everyday - and it is good.

3. The emotional. This is always the hardest for me. I am not a generally emotional person, and so being willing to be open to that when it is needed can be a real challenge. Admitting that every so often I just need a good cry and a moment to be openly lonely, frustrated, angry or even deeply sad. My oldest baby girl is so good at being there for me when it comes to this. She feels so deeply and can get to the heart of an issue with such childhood innocence and simplicity, where I would be blundering about for hours and entirely missing the point. I am thankful for her - and for all my children. They are such wonderful (and tragic) mirrors to our innermost selves. I am so blessed.

Through this journey, God has placed a mentor in my life. She is a nutritionist (among other things) with more certifications than I can count. I met her through a moms group and have been meeting with her to talk about shaping my whole body health, (all the things mentioned above) but especially my nutrition around what I personally need in order to be healthy. The journey is never easy, but after a few rough weeks I feel like I have woken up a bit. I had enough energy last night after the kids went to bed to do dishes, tidy the living room AND sort, fold and put away four loads of laundry! I wanted to cry with relief as I would walk into my living room and it was not a disaster zone! And for the first time in almost three years, I was not plagued with guilt over everything I felt I should do but simply couldn't because of the bone deep exhaustion that made it hard to breath, must less face the ever growing mountain that is the laundry a family of five can produce in a just a few short days.

So celebrate with me! The world outside today is all aglow with a fresh fall of rain, the air is crisp and clean. I have my morning coffee and I am enjoying the bustle of the warm restaurant around me. I am teaming with story ideas that I feel I must release onto paper or fly apart. I feel full of life and hope today. A world apart from where I seem...

I sat down to write last week. Of course I had a good idea of where I wanted to go with a particular story idea, and instead it ended up being very far down, left and sideways from where I ended up.  I wrote for two hours and at the end looked down at my computer screen to see a poem looking back - with whole sections I could not remember having written, yet there they were so I must have! I feel there is much in this piece that is open for interpretation. It is raw, un-edited. Perhaps it is meant to be. I do not feel like I wrote it for myself, yet I do feel it was written for a reason - perhaps for you beloved reader. So I will end my post of hope and healing today with this. Within the bustle of the holiday I pray peace for you all -  peace that whispers all around in a world that roars without a sound.

My friend and I

I have a little friend, as pretty as can be.
She has two legs, two arms, a nose and giggles just like me.
We like to run and skip and play,
she's by my side throughout the day.
We laugh and jump and sing together,
through sun and wind and wild weather.

Until the sun begins to yawn, and birds begin to sigh.
My friend she reaches to the sky, my friend begins to die.

“Oh please!” I beg, “don't leave me now, don't go” I cry in vain.
But as the sun dips to the west, the leaves turn golden reds.
The birds return to hearth and nest to tuck their babies into beds.

My friend she gives me one last wave and slowly fades to night.
My tears give sparkle to the stars, my grief it feeds the light.
The Moon she is a beast of beauty, a hunter sounds a call.
A dipper measures velvet black, a haunting song is calling back.
A world apart from where I seem, my friend is now a long off dream.
A time of joy so long forgotten, a childhood fancy now besotten.
An end so tired, the dark has woken into a world so vast and broken.

I sit alone upon the ground, the sky above is still.
Your peace it whispers all around, the world it roars without a sound.
I breath a song of love and sorrows, of loss and joy and new tomorrows.
Of blues and greens and brilliant gold, of songs and stories never told.
And though I'm old and gray and frail, a new day dawns, a new ship sails.
My friend with arms and legs and eyes, peeks or' the hill to soon arise.
And bathe me with her golden cry, as new and glorious as the sky!

Together we will fly untamed, cross mountain range and desert planes.
A flash of lightning rips the sky, A dragon roars a thunderous cry,
I give a wink and wave goodby, and we just laugh my friend and I.

(Written by Sarah Bethuel Reynolds)

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