Monday, April 8, 2013

Day 1: Tea and chocolate.

The pain of parting is nothing to the joy of meeting again.
~ Charles Dickens

From as far back as I can remember, I have been left behind. Even as an adult of almost 31 years I get a wrenching in my gut every time someone goes away, even if just for a small while.

It is one of those things I have to continually work on, perhaps it is tied into being forgotten, or just insignificant. Two true fears of mine as well - but without going through the bother of all that self reflection I can say with the utmost confidence that I very much dislike being left behind.  

The facts:

1.Today is day 1 of two weeks without my husband. He got a new job and must be away at "new job boot camp" so he can get acquainted with it all. I am truly proud of  him and excited for the adventure ahead, but I will admit I am having trouble focusing on anything but the here and now at the moment.
2. He will be back for a quick visit on the weekend, something I am truly thankful for...but even that feels very far away at the moment.
3. I have three kids home with me (big kids are on half days at school so they will mostly be here) one of which is sick and currently fighting her nap.

Ok, I lost my train of thought. I attempted to be organized and systematic and then found myself staring out the window instead.

The weather outside is fiercely windy and bitingly cold. Very unusual for an April day – especially since yesterday was sunny, warm and 70 degrees. So I have the window open, I feel like a nymph; cold and calm and contained, while the weather beats out the emotions inside and it makes me smile despite. I will let the wind do my talking for now.

I do not do well being left behind, I feel almost as if I make a bigger deal of it in my head then it really is. I know, all my military friends do this all the time, and I am not belittling the pain they go through with their husbands on deployment for 3, 6, 9 even 12 months. But there is a reason I did not marry someone who intended on being in the military, that would have been a deal breaker for me. I don’t do well being left behind!

For now I shall drink my tea and eat my cadbury chocolate eggs. I am not sure I shall do anything else today. I did not sleep hardly at all last night, and so the world is rather fuzzy. Perhaps a bath to warm up? My tea has cooled off too much and needs re-warming.

For now I shall breath, and face the day with a smile and my head held high, while the wind howls at my back.

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